Ahh Phooey I blew it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Ahh Phooey I blew it!
29
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 2:39pm
A few days ago I made these delicious cookies for a friend who is 21 weeks pregnant. She was craving them. They are chocolate and orange coated shortbread wedges. A decadent treat. I was sooo good when I made them and pretty darn good when I packaged them up.

The day before yesterday I packed up the car with the kids, my body pillow for her belly a couple of good paperbacks and her one true desire that day, my cookies.

I was on the way to her house when I got a call from her best friend telling me that she had been admitted to L&D, a possible ruptured bag, worried that she'd broken her waters. Tests came back that she had not. Baby was fine. No infection. Fine. (Last year she delivered a little boy at 24 weeks who was so sick with the strep B virus that he had no chance.

It turns out that this time there was no trace of the strep B, but she was already dilated to 4 cm. They tried to do a cerclage, where they sitch the cervix to prevent further dilation. Something happened and the membrane ruptured and they had to induce labor. 24 hours later she delivered a little girl, stilborn. I am devasted for her. To have to bury one child is one thing, but two I can not even imagine.

I brought the cookies out of the car... took them out of their container... and had three of them. THREE!!!!

Oh well, there is always tomorrow and I had better make sure that they are hidden from me by day's end.

Not that that is ANY excuse. They were there. I am in such a fog and over tired from taking care of two sick kids and being up all night and cleaning up barf, etc...

Thanks for listening!

Jessica

120/112/10~something

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 3:55pm

LOL!

MelMel
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 3:57pm
If I was in the hospital and someone brought me cookies I'd be so offended I'd cry. No food would make me feel better, especially not unhealthy food.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 4:06pm

I was just trying to think of something nice for her to do for the friend not offend anyone.....

MelMel
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 4:08pm

Mel, are you having one of those days?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 4:30pm

Thanks!

MelMel
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 4:31pm

Mel, I think you were on the right track, personally.

Jennifer, mom to 3 boys (June/00, July/03 and March/06) Expecting our new little one in late August
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 4:41pm

What an amazing story for your little Jonas and the family!

MelMel
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 6:03pm
Hey Mel!

I would be offended if someone brought me something that was healthy! What no chocolates or yummies. I mean REALLY, the idea of someone bringing me a basket full of lettuce, tomatoes, and, like, organic chicken?!?!?! Say, nothing says feel better better than something unhealthy... or chicken noodle soup. That really works, you know?!

We all are entitled to our own opinions and some of them we'll agree with and others not.

It's up to us to choose. From what I've read from your posts, I value your opinions!

Jessica

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2003
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 6:09pm
Jessica,

I have to agree with Jennifer (post #17) that any show of genuine concern and love is appreciated. It's a tough job, but she needs a friend who accepts, listens and loves right now. I'm sure you fit the bill!

If you haven't been in her shoes, you truly cannot understand. But from experience I can tell you it's a lonely depressing feeling to be (of all places) in the mother/baby unit with no baby! The hospital should have placed her in a room as far from the nursery as possible, even at the end of a hall. This is their attempt to pay respects, but you end up feeling isolated. A friendly face and a hug (watch out for the engorged boobage...that can still happen)can do wonders. There will be lots of tears, as there should be. Accept them for what they are. The things you can do to help? Cook for her, clean for her, do laundry, pick up the mail or groceries, offer to listen but don't push her to talk. Help filter the outpouring of sympathy flowers and cards. After the first week or so, some people may begin treating her as if she should be "over it" by then...as if!!! Remember the 1 month anniversary and offer to help her that day, too. Maybe letting some balloons go for her little ones.

Hope this helps. My heart goes out to you both!

Debbie
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 6:10pm
Jennifer,

No, I am not going to give her the cookies. I really think it would be a too painful reminder... But, I love your idea of bringing something. I think I will make her a couple of nice meals. I am sure that she won't be hungry, but they will have to eat. Even if I can get to the grocery store and leave some food by their front door... What meant the most to you? Is cooking a meal a good idea? I would love your feedback!

Jessica