Update

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2007
Update
8
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 3:59pm

Hi all-

I posted here a couple of weeks ago, after kicking my husband out of the house. I greatly appreciate all the support I received here during that dark and trying time.

At the moment, things look hopeful. DH has never denied he has a problem, and he has always expressed a desire to stop drinking. He just never went about it the right way (half-assing the AA prgram for years!) Tonight he starts an outpatient rehab program, which he will attend three nights a week. I'm not sure how long the program will last. He has also been attending AA meetings and will continue that along with the rehab.

As for me, I attended my second Al-Anon meeting last week and will definitely be going back. My first meeting was fine, but the group was focused on adult children of alcoholics. This one is closer to my home, more of a general meeting, and meets on a night that DH can be home to watch the kids. I also started reading "Co-Dependent No More", which has been very interesting so far. I had often heard about it but had a hard time getting past the icky title. Now I wonder if other people have been turned off by the stupid title, too. Or maybe it's just me. In any case, it seems like a good and useful book!

So, that's my update. We are all feeling optimistic about rebuilding our marriage and family. He is back in the house for now, and we are taking things one day at a time. Once his recovery is well underway, we are going to seek out some marriage counseling to repair the broken trust, etc.

Wish us luck! And feel free to offer any advice on the situation!

-Sarah

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2007
In reply to: beachmommy3
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 5:13pm
Its no nice to hear a happy ending. I just posted a message for the first time because I have just asked my husband for a separation because of his drinking. I am hoping this will result in him fixing his problem, but am prepared if he doesn't. I don't want to live this way anymore. Anyway, at a time when I am feeling very weak and like I might have made the wrong decision it is so nice to hear your story!



Lilypie Baby Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
In reply to: beachmommy3
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 7:26pm
Sarah, Thank you so much for the update. All too often people post here for a while but then we don't hear about the outcome, or happenings in their lives.
I compliment you for checking out Al-Anon and "Co-dependent No More" has been a very influential book in my life. As a recovering alcoholic, I still had to look at my co-dependency issues too. Yes, the title is a bit "campy" but the content makes it well worth reading.
All my best wishes to both of you - and please let us know how we can help you!
God bless,
Leslie
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
In reply to: beachmommy3
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 7:49pm
WooooHoooooo Sarah.......sounds like things are looking up.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2004
In reply to: beachmommy3
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 10:36pm

Hey Sarah...

I started up on this board only a few weeks ago (after IV shut down the other one) so I don't know your hx...Just wanted to say "hi" and thank you for sharing your update. I also wanted to let you know there is hope for a life better than you ever imagined going forward with your recovery (and hopefully he with his). My DH and I are four years into recovery (he just celebrated 4 yrs end of July)...life is challenging and difficult on many levels, but it is better than it ever was and better than I ever thought it could be. When I was near where you are I really could not see that it could ever be this good - I was too devastated at the time.

I hope you find a good alanon meeting and stick with it...it literally saved my life. At the time my DH was in treatment one of the counselors there told me it would go a long way for both our recoveries if I took care of myself and went to alanon for support - they were not kidding!! Looking back I would say it was imperative.

If they have a "beginner's meeting" in your area, I would suggest going to it for six weeks while you go to your other meeting (or continue looking for a comfortable home group). Its really helpful in the beginning to be around others who are similarly situated.

Take what you like, leave the rest...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2007
In reply to: beachmommy3
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 2:09pm

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Hi lislaw-

Just to clarify, I wouldn't classify this as a "happy ending!" I see it more of a "hopeful beginning", and I am fully aware that a lot of hard work and trying days lie ahead. I am proud of my husband for giving rehab a shot, and I am hoping that it helps him recover, but I am also (for the first time) committed to healing myself as well. I'm off to a slow start (because I have three small children underfoot), but I am doing what I can for now and will do more when the older two are back to school. I have started by attending a couple of Al-Anon meetings, posting a little bit here, and reading "Co-Dependent No More." I will have a couple of child-free hours each week once school starts, and I plan to get myself into counseling.

So, while I am hoping for the best for my husband, I am most optimistic about getting myself straightened out. I have suffered more from the uncertainty and lack of trust than I have from the actual drinking. I need to rebuild a sense of self and then work on rebuilding the heart of our marriage. Like I said, a lot of work lies ahead, but I've never shied away from hard work!

-Sarah

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2007
In reply to: beachmommy3
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 2:25pm

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Thanks, Leslie! You all have been a big help already - just letting me have a place to vent and hash things out.

-Sarah

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2007
In reply to: beachmommy3
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 2:27pm

<< also wanted to let you know there is hope for a life better than you ever imagined going forward with your recovery (and hopefully he with his). My DH and I are four years into recovery (he just celebrated 4 yrs end of July)...life is challenging and difficult on many levels, but it is better than it ever was and better than I ever thought it could be. When I was near where you are I really could not see that it could ever be this good - I was too devastated at the time.>>

Thanks, mercyblu! I have enjoyed reading your wise and helpful posts so far on this board.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2007
In reply to: beachmommy3
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 2:30pm
Thank you, you are right! Looks like I need to work on myself. I am going out to get that book as soon as my little one wakes up from her nap!