I feel lost,bitter,I don't know what
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|Sun, 08-26-2007 - 4:22pm|
Hi my name is Amanda and I am a 29 year old women who is in love with an alcoholic. We've been together for almost 7 years and I don't know if I can make it to our anniversary in 2 months. When we first got together it wasn't the wy it is now so I never had issues with his drinking. For the last 3 years it has gotten worse and worse. He is not a violent drinker but he is very anoying. Some people think he's hilarious when he's been drinking. He doesn't go out with his buddies that often, actually barely ever. He drinks at home after work. It's not just 1 or 2 it's like 5-6 drinks where there's half n' half (Rye-pop). No one knows how bad he is because he doesn't go out and drink. If it was only us I would have left long ago but it's not and this is where it gets complicated.
We have a 10 year old,5 year old and I am now pregnant with #3. I am a stay at home mom as he works to support us. I understand that because of the cost of living up here and the amount of pressure on him to provide a good life for us has it's toll on him. I just can't handle the drinking. I grew up with an alcoholic father and he still is today and I know how I felt towards him and all of the issues I had growing up. I dont want my children growing up this way and it's a;ready showing effects on them. We've talked and argued about his drinking before and he promised to get help and stop but always returned to dinking within the next week. I now know that he doesn't take me serious but I really can't handle it anymore. The part that scares me the most is him drinking this way when we have our baby. I didn't let my father hold my boys when they were babies if he had more then 1 drink. I can't imagine not having him and the baby bond after he comes home but I can't let him hold the baby after 1 drink as this was our rule with my father or anyone else.
I am tired of feeling like I have to babysite him everytime he drinks and that my kids have to watch him too. I have alot of resentment towards him and there is alot of hate and disappointment, I don't know what to do I am lost.