At the end update

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2007
At the end update
7
Sun, 09-02-2007 - 6:08pm
I posted that my husband had come home to get sober and he did well for 5 days. then on Friday we had a blow up I said some really horrible things to him he sat here and did not say one unkind word to me throughout the whole thing.. Then he left and got drunk. he has been gone drinking all weekend.the only communication we have is cell phone and text if he decides to answer or respond. Or if I do LOL
I'm having the health issues on top of all of this and I really don't think he cares I try not to but it really hurts me.
I just can not detach from this. I feel so bad all the time. I'm blaming myself for his drinking this weekend I'm worried about him all the time.
Can someone give me some advise about detaching?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
In reply to: ann208
Sun, 09-02-2007 - 6:49pm
(((((((Ann)))))))
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2007
In reply to: ann208
Sun, 09-02-2007 - 7:21pm
Brenda I'm in an online Alanon group. I don't have any F2f that I can get to easily. I'm trying to work the program but the hurt and disappointment over rule all reason sometimes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
In reply to: ann208
Sun, 09-02-2007 - 7:57pm
Ann, I totally understand that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2007
In reply to: ann208
Sun, 09-02-2007 - 8:20pm
But How do you not take it personally when it hurts so deeply?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
In reply to: ann208
Sun, 09-02-2007 - 8:41pm
You know, Ann....I have said that same thing...and recently too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2004
In reply to: ann208
Sun, 09-02-2007 - 10:43pm

Not sure if this is what you are looking for, but... there is a huge difference from merely detaching and detachment with love. The former really does you no good, the latter takes practice and guidance away from our own "bad behavior"/reactions.

You did not cause his drinking, you cannot control his drinking, and you cannot cure his drinking. "Affectionately" dubbed the three "C"s... In order to take a true look at what is yours and what is his, I would humbly suggest you try alanon... it may provide you with the tools you need to sort through this - at a minimum you will become introduced to others similarly situated who know exactly how you feel, regardless of the specifics of your story. They have a lot of great literature that deals with the very issue of detachment. I believe "Alanon: How it Works" (the Alanon "big book") has a chapter addressing the issue.

Take what you like, leave the rest...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2007
In reply to: ann208
Mon, 09-24-2007 - 2:53pm

I think they wait for excuses. I have seen this many times. He's starts fights out of nowhere so somehow he can blame me in the end. If it is not me it his job etc...