New here and need advice....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2007
New here and need advice....
6
Fri, 10-19-2007 - 11:56am
I never been to this site before, but was hoping someone here could give me some advice. I'm a 42 year mother of 3 teenagers and married for 22 years. I married when I was 19, was a stay at home mom for 12 years and went back to work full time about 5 years ago. Life has changed considerably in the last 5 years, working has brought me much confidence and enjoyment. My husband is a wonderful man who supports me working however in the last couple of years my job responsibilities have changed and i'm working more, also socializing more with other coworkers. I enjoy their company, I have invited my husbuand but he chooses not to come. Most of the socializing is after hours and drinking is involved, and I have never had a problem in the past with alcohol, but lately when I drink and not all the time I may go out with work 2 - 3 times a month but I don't seem to know when I've had enough, until it's too late and I'm drunk. My husband thinks I have a drinking problem, and to be honest I have drank at home which I know probably isn't a good thing. The reason I'm here today is yesterday I had the day off from work, I did errands and had to check out a restaurant for our office x-mas party. I sat at the bar and had a martini, then another. I felt fine but for some reason, I decided to stop at another restaurant and had a couple more. I had to pull over and call my mother to take my daughter to dance (which I feel horrible about) I didn't want my kids to see me the way I was, the alchohol hit me so hard so fast. I'm also starting perimenopause, I think, my period is unpredictable and I'm going through some things, stress, trying to juggle everything. My husband thinks I'm self medicating, I can say that I don't need to drink every day, and I honestly don't think I'm an alcoholic, but I'm not sure what is going on with me. I don't believe my husband is aware of what happended last night, I will find out later when he comes home. This has been going on for at least a year that he isn't happy with me. I'm so afraid he is going to be mad again. I'm off today as well, any suggestions?
Avatar for rosolo
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 10-19-2007 - 12:10pm

Hi and welcome to the board! My name is Rose, and I am a 48 year, working mother and wife. I am an alcoholic.


If alcohol is affecting your relationship with your spouse, causing you to miss work, interfering with your ability to parent, then, I would say it is a problem for you.


When I couldn't control how much I drank, and would go the infiniti and beyond with my drinking, I knew I had a problem. If I couldn't stop after one or two, that is a problem.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2007
Fri, 10-19-2007 - 12:29pm
Thank you Rose, I appreciate your words, I've been seeing a counselor and hoping that will help. I hate that I'm even struggling with this at all, I've always been a person who is in control and this is so foreign to me.
Avatar for rosolo
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 10-19-2007 - 12:35pm

Even though my struggles, were (and still can be) some of the worse times of my life., they were and are the most revealing. I learned more about myself these last few years, then in all my previous years.


I educated myself on alcoholism and addiction. Learning everything you can is enlightening and empowering.


This board was the single biggest step in reaching out that I took, over four years ago. The women (and Paul) helped me, and encouraged me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2006
Fri, 10-19-2007 - 2:24pm

I'm 41 and have noticed that alcohol and me get along quite differently than when I was in my 20's and 30's. It hits me hard and fast and I need to keep drinking to stay awake. I have, over the last 2 years, started counting my drinks to avoid getting drunk.

Try limiting your drinks to 2. And try not to drink every day. There is about 2 drinks in a martini, so watch out! If you need to, make hash marks on your hand or arm or a piece of paper to remind you of your limit.

If you are not an alcoholic and have just developed a bad habit, it's pretty easy to turn around this early in the game. Just always count your drinks and don't drink every day. If you find that too difficult then your problem may be deeper than a bad habit.

I think you can do it. It's great you've figured it out this early.

I used to abuse alcohol for years but have been drinking responsibly for a year or so (with the occasional overindulgence).

Lucky

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2007
Fri, 10-19-2007 - 5:17pm
Thanks, it's funny you should mention the counting drinks option, someone I've recently confided in said the same thing. She used to get carried away and said she limits herself to say 3 drinks and then switches to coke. I hope that I have caught it and that I have just made it a bad habit and I can undo this. I appreciate your support and advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Fri, 10-19-2007 - 6:25pm

Hi there and welcome.