The power of The Secret ???

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
The power of The Secret ???
15
Wed, 10-24-2007 - 12:30am

I was listening to the Oprah channel today on XM radio, which I don't normally do - but today I did. And the discussion was about "the power of positive thinking" and about how there have been studies done on illnesses ... like Cancer. And how "thinking positive" can affect illness (some have concluded that it is even a cure!) Well, this particular study said that basically - no matter if you're glum and full of rainclouds, or if you are sunny bright and happy and have a positive outlook - either way ... the outcome is the same. The cancer did not respond to ones thinking - be in positive or negative.

So ... my point, and I do have one ;-) It just really got me thinking of the "cancer" in my life ... which is my husband's alcoholism. And I can tell you this ... no amount of praying, no amount of positive thinking ... is going to change his alcoholism.

The point is ... the ONLY thing I can change is ME. I cannot change his alcoholism. I think this is why I'm skeptical of "the Secret." Although I do believe in positive thinking, and that words and thoughts are power ... I don't necessarily believe they can affect the outcome of certain circumstances.

And really - the "destination" isn't the point. It's the journey, right? And my journey right now is Letting Go. Knowing that I am Not God. I cannot change my husband's drinking. I can change the fact that I will no longer scream and yell when he's drunk - or try to have a logical discussion with a drunk person. The best I can do these days is have a hobby and have somewhere to go to if he does get drunk.

Another thing is ... I'm 32 and I don't have kids yet. And looking at my life so far ... people constantly ask me why I don't have kids yet. I'm certainly old enough - and I'm married. Well ... the truth is ... I'm terrified of having kids with this man. I would be so alone in raising kids. I don't have a good Pat answer to tell people - but there are SERIOUS issues in my marriage. you wanna know why i don't have kids? because I don't feel Safe to have kids. I don't feel financially safe - I don't feel safe in my relationship - I don't feel safe and calm in my home life. Maybe that's not a good enough reason. Maybe I'm a big selfish jerk (which is how I think people view people like me without kids). To all appearances, we appear like the classic DINKs. Maybe we even seem well-off and enjoying our freedom. Things are not always as they seem.

my husband is a partier. He's 33 years old - and seriously ... he will still go party with the college-kids. he has a younger brother - and he'll go hang out with those kids that are still drinking beer and partying. it's weird and immature.

but ... I can't change him.

do you know what i hope for. I hope he gets a DUI. at this point - i hope things either deteriorate completely or get a whole lot better. I'm tired of walking this line. he's been BAD. real bad - but now he's back to moderately bad.

i don't know if i should leave, but i think about it a lot. he's a very talented individual. he is an amazing cook - he makes really good money. Really Good. we live generally comfortably ... but ... he's drunk all the time :-( and he absolutely has no problem with that. he'll say, "Yah I drink too much. This is me." and he is 100% functioning alcoholic.

my family is good - and we get a long generally, but we aren't close - and we live several states apart. If I leave him ... I'm on my own :-(

i dunno. just gets me thinking is all. positive thinking is good - but it only goes so far. you know?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Wed, 10-24-2007 - 5:56am
I would say that you know the truth about being positive...the only person you can change is you, YOUR attitudes and YOUR actions. When I stop trying to change someone else, and give them over to some power greater than myself, I am more serene.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2004
Wed, 10-24-2007 - 11:45am

Don't know about the whole postitive thinking thing...but do know quite a bit about what you are going through - you are so much further than I was at your point.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2007
Wed, 10-24-2007 - 11:51am

I agree that positive thinking can only help YOU.

Debbie
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2007
Fri, 10-26-2007 - 3:23pm

 Z

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
Fri, 11-09-2007 - 9:28am

Hi MercyBlu! I want to talk to you more! Your post has stuck in my head - and I've been thinking about your words a lot.

"You may have caught periodic glimpses of my story here and there ..."

I have ... and I haven't. I read the boards sporadically - but I don't always have the time/space to keep up on here!

I really want to know more about "It all crashed when my DH hit a crazy scary bottom and took me with him." Because I think my DH (which I believe means Dear Husband???) May be headed for his Rock Bottom.

He just quit a very high paying job. It was a VERY VERY stressful job - he was on the road ALL the time - and his drinking was TERRIBLE on the ROAD! But ... I don't really know if his drinking will actually decrease now that he has quit.

I just want to learn more about your story.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
Fri, 11-09-2007 - 9:34am

Hi Zlibby :-)

You wrote :: "I hope that the woman that started this thread, will have the courage to dump his a$$, and get with someone she can FEEL SAFE with."

:-) I hope I will too, honey! We will see! I don't know what will happen! Anyways - I was just gonna say - I think we live close to each other - I live in South Jordan, UT (just moved here about 6 months ago) :-)

So howdy to you, neighbor!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
Fri, 11-09-2007 - 9:52am
I emailed you, Mercy Blu!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2007
Fri, 11-09-2007 - 3:51pm

Well... HOWDY neighbor! LoL

 Z

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Fri, 11-09-2007 - 9:07pm

Ok, here is the perspective from someone in your shoes, or almost in your shoes. I married my adh at 28, had a great career, he did too. He was sober from when I met him until a year after I had my daughter, and we have been struggling ever since. He is basically a good man, who binge drinks and is very responsible. Now I am more financially intertwined with him, and have a 5 year old child.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2004
Sun, 11-11-2007 - 5:20pm
The e-mail associated with this account for me is closed.

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