Thanksgiving is COMING!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
Thanksgiving is COMING!
Sun, 10-28-2007 - 3:51pm

Hello! Thanksgiving is coming and for my family ... it's at MY house this year. There will be a mix of families coming this year - so we'll see how we all blend.

One thing I would like to request is that there be NO HARD LIQUOR at the house here. Do you think this is a reasonable request? I know that I can't CONTROL anyone's drinking ... but at the same time - it IS MY HOUSE. I have already mentioned this to my husband (who is an alcoholic) and he is willing to NOT have hard liquor at Thxgiving dinner. My rule is generally NO hard liquor in the house at all - so NOT having it at thxgiving is not that much of a stretch. Of course this means there WILL be beer and wine. But I have others who are coming that enjoy good wine in moderation, and I don't think it's fair to punish them. Still ... this is not an event I believe that warrants hard liquor.

What are all of your opinions?

I figure - my husband can drink and be as much of an alcoholic as he wants - but he can find somewhere else to do it. I don't see why I have to put up with it IN MY HOME ??? !!!

Also - let's talk about sex. I don't think it's right to "withhold" - and believe me - I enjoy sex! But ... why should I have to have sex with a sloppy drunk man? If he's got it on his breathe - he isn't getting any from me. He can do whatever he wants - but I don't think that means I have to cater to him! you know? What do you think? Am I being a prude?

I just don't even like to hang out with him anymore. You know? His whole world revolves around liquor. So I've taken to book clubs and sewing and other ladies groups. Thank GOODNESS for those! I just don't want to be around it ... or around him.

I can't change HIS behavior - but I don't think I have to just sit here and endure it!!! What are your thoughts on this?

Last year ... we actually spent Thxgiving in Las Vegas. Can you believe that? WOW that was a HUGE MISTAKE! We met a bunch of family there (most are non-alcoholics, but 2 of them are) so the two alcoholics (to include my husband) went off and acted like idiots - while my parents made excuses for their behaviour (out of embarrassment) and I got angry and wouldn't speak to him.

Whatever. My husband is a jerk and an alcoholic. Why do I stay? I have no idea. It's complicated and of course, there is that little thing called "hope." Ridiculous little thing, but there it is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Sun, 10-28-2007 - 4:58pm

I have to say, I love your post! You have a great style of writing.

For Thanksgiving...your house, your rules. At my wedding we had NO alcohol. None. People didn't know we were recovering alcoholics, but did know that it was a family picnic (catered by us) and that all were there to enjoy family. When some people wanted to go and get some beer, my aunts told them no.

As for one, absolutely no one HAS to have sex at any time with anyone, even their spouse. You get to say no. It isn;t about punishing him, it is about your pleasure (or lack there of with alcohol breath. )

I think that you creating your own life is good. I would hope that you have a clergy person, therapist or recovery group like AlAnon or information from some where to help you stay sane.

Peace to you

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
Sun, 10-28-2007 - 8:35pm

I love your post.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Sun, 10-28-2007 - 8:38pm

Hi there.