My husband - functional alcoholic
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|Wed, 11-21-2007 - 10:19am|
My husband is a functional alcoholic.
By functional, I mean that he still goes to work, does chores, visits his family, etc. Every night when he comes home from work, he has either four or five beers in the course of a night or a couple glasses of Diet Pepsi and vodka. Some nights, it seems to take the edge off - other nights, he is pretty drunk, so much so that he stumbles around the apartment bumping into things or passes out on the couch. A few nights, I have just let him stay there because I did not want him sleeping with me. Whenever we visit his parents or friends, he always has to have a drink before leaving the house because he knows he won't be able to drink as much anywhere else. He worried about moving in with his parents, while waiting to move into our new apartment, because he didn't want them to know the extent of his drinking.
I want to say that his drinking does not affect our marriage, but I would be lying. We normally cannot make love at night because he usually too drunk to have sex. He spends a lot of money on alcohol, which negatively affects our budget, usually a large bottle of vodka a week or 24 case of Miller Light. When he is drunk, he is unable to communicate very well, which makes me feel lonely.
The saddest part, I feel, is that we are newlyweds and I do not see us having children in the future, which is something we had both talked about and wanted someday. I do not want my children to have an alcoholic father. Under times of stress and pressure, my husband drinks even more, and I know that being a parent is not a walk in the park. I am afraid that if we had a child, the stress would be too great - he would rely on alcohol and leave me alone to do the parenting. I want us to be role models for our children and I do not think we are in a position to be that right now. On the other hand, my grandfather never took another sip of alcohol after missing the birth of his daughter, but I don't want to take that chance.
I love my husband and I care about him. I want to know why he feels the need to drink, besides, "I just like to." What is the root cause? Genetics? Childhood trauma? What? I wish I could understand. I know only he can want to change and help himself. He does not see any harm in his drinking, besides gaining weight, and any time anyone has mentioned it, he gets defensive. I married him, know he drank (though not to what extent), and plan to stay married to him forever. No relationship is perfect, and I did say for better or worse.
I would appreciate any thoughts or opinions....