How do you help?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
How do you help?
5
Wed, 07-30-2008 - 7:15pm

My dad is an alcoholic. I found this out when I was 16 and moved in with him but didn't really realize how bad.


Fast forward to now (13 years later). I've had 3 members of our family contact me and tell me my dad is an alcoholic and needs help. First off, what am I supposed to do about it? I know it but I can't make him get help. I actually had to ban him from drinking at my brothers wedding... told him I would only pay for his hotel room if he didn't drink the entire weekend. Like I'm his mom or something.


Anyhow, I called him the other day and he was soooooo trashed that he couldn't even form a sentence. Every time I do talk to him I get a "woe is me" story. Anyhow, his wife left him and told him he needs AA. My uncle called him last night to tell him he needs help. I just talked to him and when I mentioned he needs helped he changed the subject. Seriously didn't even acknowledge it.


How do you get thru to someone? I know you can't make someone want to get sober. Unfortunately I've watched my mom have this same battle with my step dad. So ironic...


Anyhow, I just needed to vent. I don't really know what to do. I know its not my problem but he is alone and everyone else has washed their hands of him.


Jenny







iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
Wed, 07-30-2008 - 7:47pm

Hi Jenny,


Welcome to the board.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Wed, 07-30-2008 - 10:02pm

Hi Jenny


I am Beth, the other cl here. Brenda said some good stuff.


You know, you are 29, if I did my math right. That means that Dad is AT LEAST in his 40s, if not his 50s, right?


Unfortunately, he is a grown man. That means he is his own problem.


If you feel like you ABSOLUTELY have to do something, write down how you feel about his drinking and mail him the letter. Then tell everyone else you gave it your best shot. I mean, his wife LEFT him and told him to go to AA.


His choice, you didn't cause it, you can't control his drinking and you certainly can't cure it.


You are a good daughter to love him despite his drinking. Don't feel guilty for not being able to do what you are not able to do.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 1:34am
Hi Brenda,



Thanks for the response. Yes, unfortunately I do know there is nothing I can do but wait. I guess my one big worry is that something will happen to him and nobody will be there. He had a brain aneurysm about 10 years ago and we almost lost him. I just wish he would see he is wasting away his second chance at life.



So help me out... what is Al-Anon? Is that AA? Why would I need to go? Its funny because I keep telling my little half sister the same things you told me about her dad. Always seems so much easier to give good advice than to take it.



Thanks again for the reply. I'm just starting to figure out how much his actions really have affected me, like it or not.



Hugs, Jenny






iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 1:40am

Hi Beth,



Yes, you did your math right! My dad is 53. He is a grown man with his own issues.



I think the thing that I have the biggest problem with is that my family tends to calls me with all their concerns. I'm just getting tired of being the go to person about his issues.



Thank you for your supporting words. I'm glad I looked for this board!!!



Hugs, Jenny






iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 9:40am

Hi Jenny,


I am so glad you asked.