Working the Steps

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2006
Working the Steps
Fri, 08-01-2008 - 12:51am

I went to meeting #3 of Alanon today. I'm still figuring all of this out and consider myself a "baby" at all of this. Here is what I have a question about:
Step 5 - Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs

Step 8 - Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all

Step 9 - Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others

So here's where I am coming from. I have acted very irrationally - angry, yelling, screaming, throwing - trying to CHANGE the alcoholic. Trying to get him to notice my pain. Trying to get him to CARE. Trying to CONTROL and CURE it. Right?

For this, do I need to ask the alcoholic to forgive me? Do I need to go to the person who is hurting me - and confess my wrongs?

My responses to his drinking have been wrong. I don't know if they've actually "hurt" him because I don't know if he's even noticed, but ... nonetheless ... they were wrong. I have shouted abuse and called him terrible things. I was WRONG to do this.

But I'm not sure how to go about making amends with the actual person who "made me do it." Obviously he didn't make me do anything ... I made a choice to respond the way I did. I'm trying to NOT respond in that way anymore. I am seeking Serenity.

But this step is confusing me. Can anyone shed some light?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Fri, 08-01-2008 - 7:58am

Okay, first let's back up...the first four 12 Steps are

1) Admitted we were powerless over___________ and our lives had become unmanageable. I am powerless over the alcohol I consumed...and over the alcohol my Knight consumed

2) Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity. Took me a while to figure out that there was a power greater than me that gave adamn about me, but I got there.

3) Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2006
Fri, 08-01-2008 - 1:34pm
Thank you Wife/Mom/Teacher, I appreciate this so much!