should i be worried?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2007
should i be worried?
8
Sat, 08-02-2008 - 2:39pm

Probably a stupid question since I am worrying anyway (but sometimes I tend to do that on small things, so need some clarity.)

My DH said he drank all the time before he met me. He said he would go to work drunk, come home and drink more, about 5-6 days a week. We've been together 8 years, for a while he didn't drink much, maybe a beer or two a week, if that most weeks.

But now...he drinks about 5-6 times a week. I sometimes find bottles/cans in weird places, I guess hiding them. Used to he'd buy a 4 or 6 pack of beer every day, or cheap wine every day (like Wild Irish Rose kind of cheap) and would drink one/pack of those everyday. Now since we've moved he has been drinking vodka.

He says he doesn't have a problem, he can stop whenever he wants. But I am worried that it may get even worse. He doesn't get falling down drunk, I guess it just relaxes him, I don't know...

I don't know what to do. He hides it from his family that he drinks, even his brother (he is pretty close to one of them.)

I've been around scary alcoholics, that terrifies me that he'll end up like that. I just don't know how to go about this. I've told him that it scares me that he'll end up like the alcoholics I've seen at the hospital, sick and dying from years of drinking all the time, but he just says that he won't get that way and can quit when he wants to, but then goes back to drinking every day.

Any help, suggestions, thoughts?

Thanks in advance.

Just call me Kelly.
Just call me Kelly.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Sat, 08-02-2008 - 8:22pm

Hi Kelly


(I love the name by_way_of_the_sea)


I am Beth, alcoholic.


The recommended daily allowance of alcohol for a man is 2 drinks (2 shots or 2 beers or 2 glasses of wine.) Drinking more than that can signal a problem with alcohol.


The fact that bottles are showing up in weird places....another signal.


I know that I hid my bottles...even when I lived alone!


I don't know if he is an alcoholic. I do know that if his drinking bothers you, it is a problem in your relationship.


Do you think you would like to check out AlAnon?



iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2007
Sun, 08-03-2008 - 12:47pm

thanks for your reply! i had forgotten about them, will check it out now.

thank you!
:)

Just call me Kelly.
Just call me Kelly.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
Sun, 08-03-2008 - 9:18pm

Yes, Kelly - you should be worried.

Missy
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2004
Sat, 08-09-2008 - 1:40am

Welcome!! Your concern is justified, how you act on it will likely determine your level of sanity.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2006
Sun, 08-10-2008 - 3:53pm

Does he understand that the amount he is drinking can lead to health problems? Also, he is legally drunk after that amount so if he runs to the grocery store and gets pulled over for a taillight out, he could go to jail for a DUI. That would suck.

Take a look at Moderation Management. www.moderation.org It gives some pretty good guidelines for healthy consumption.

Good luck,

Lucky

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2007
Sun, 08-10-2008 - 4:11pm
thanks for the replies. he doesn't drink and drive, nor does he actually get falling down drunk or doesn't even slur. what i am worried about is that this could lead to where he would/could be like that one day. i told him i how felt about it, he went 7 days without drinking but by the 8th day had some beer. i don't want to restrict him altogether, since i don't thinking drinking it every once and a while would be a problem, but there for a while he was drinking it about 5 or 6 times a week and the last few times was vodka, so that freaked me out and i began to worry.
Just call me Kelly.
Just call me Kelly.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2006
Sun, 08-10-2008 - 4:48pm

I don't think it's the frequency that is as much of a problem as the quantity. 11 per week I believe is the max and no more than 4 at one drinking session. So if he's drinking 5-6 times per week, he should only be having like 2 each time. 6 is putting him at very unhealthy levels. 6 drinks 5-6 times per week is upwards of 35 per week. Very unhealthy.

Don't try to restrict his drinking, that's his job. But it's great that you inform him how unhealthy his habits are and let him know it makes you uncomfortable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2008
Tue, 08-26-2008 - 3:34pm

Kelly,

Al-Anon is a great start for your sanity. They will help you find your way, but you care about him and don't want to let him spin out of control. You have a few options you can wait for him to hit rock-bottom lose his job most likely lose you and alienated his friends and family. Another option is to try and intervene in this process. You are worried about him. Rightfully so.

The problem with addiction is that it is counter intuitive, everything that you feel you should do ends up being the opposite to what you should have done. It often takes an outside expert to help you see the best path. I recommend calling an expert. You will find that they are willing to give free advice in this process.

Here is a web site for the company I work for http://www.arprecovery.com

We have Licensed Drug and Alcohol Counselors who would be happy to guide you in this process.

Don't wait for this to spin out of control he most likely has a disease (Alcoholism) and it is not going to get better by ignoring it.

Hopefully

Wes