I don't think I can do it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2006
I don't think I can do it.
Thu, 08-07-2008 - 1:57am

I feel like I have a unique problem. I have an anger issue. When I get angry and frustrated - and I feel very justifiably angry {like my husband is DRUNK or driving drunk} I get angry and I hit him. Physically punch him - or hit him with a broom. I have an anger problem. I cannot control my temper. I feel so angry and powerless and worthless.

He has called the cops on me because I was hitting him. Last time - he actually got a restraining order against me {which he dropped}. I am not an alcoholic, but I am living with one that is driving me crazy. I can't actually confess to this at Alanon - because ... well, it's embarrassing. And I am wrong to do it. I am the one who is out of control.

So ... I guess the bottom line is ... I have to leave. Because I know ... it is only a matter of time before I lose my temper with him again. I know that I cannot control myself. And when I do lose my temper - he will call the cops. And I will go to jail. And that will affect my employment for the rest of my life. I could ruin the rest of my life by staying here with him.

I am the one who is out of control. I have the problem :-( He may be powerless against alcohol, but I am powerless against my anger and bitterness.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Thu, 08-07-2008 - 6:55am

Yes, you probably need to leave. You need to protect yourself from your anger. You also need to have therapy to help with the anger. Additionally, you don't tell everyone in AlAnon about your anger, you tell your sponsor.

How do I know these things? Because it is what I had to do.

I had a definitely anger management problem. I moved to live alone. I got counseling and I continued to go to AA.

I don't have the anger problems anymore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2002
Thu, 08-07-2008 - 8:53am

Toxic relationships bring out the worst in us don't they?


"OMG, I got engaged, the world will never be the same!...."


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Thu, 08-07-2008 - 9:33am

First of all, I admire your honesty in sharing here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
Thu, 08-07-2008 - 10:16am
I have to agree with everything Beth and Leslie have already said.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2005
Thu, 08-07-2008 - 11:08am


I just wanted to welcome you to the group. Please come back and visit often. This is a great place to start for support.



iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2006
Thu, 08-07-2008 - 11:31pm
Can I ask a question? How do I get a sponsor? My alanon group is really big, and I don't know who to ask. I'm still kind of new at all of this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Fri, 08-08-2008 - 7:09am

These are the most important things about picking a sponsor

    Some factors to consider in choosing a sponsor
  • Has what we want
  • lives the solution not the problem
  • Walks the Talk in all his / her affairs
  • Has a sponsor themselves
  • Emphasizes the steps and traditions of the program
  • Has more time in recovery than we do
  • Has worked more steps than we have
  • Is available for telephone calls and personal meetings
  • Emphasized the spiritual aspect of the program
  • and lastly IS THE SAME GENDER TYPE as you.

These are only a few of the many suggestions to look for that people have used to aid in selecting an appropriate sponsor for themselves.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Fri, 08-08-2008 - 8:24am

Beth gave you some excellent information, covering key points that are recommended for choosing a sponsor.