Should I be worried about him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Should I be worried about him?
7
Fri, 08-22-2008 - 5:20pm

I am worried about my boyfriend. We have been together for 6 months (we were set up) and I knew when I met him that he liked to drink beer. In general I do not have a problem with drinking a beer here and there. I personally do not drink alcohol mainly because I just don't care for the taste (I am convinced it is an acquired taste).

Since the beginning of summer I have noticed that he seems to have started drinking more. All of his friends drink beer anytime we are together (cookouts, parties, camping, etc.). Even when they work together, they will drink beer.

I worry for a few reasons:
1.) There have been a few occasions that hanging with his friends and drinking beer took priority over taking his child home to bed. In my opinion, the priority should be his child.
2.) I swear his uncle is an alcoholic. Everywhere he goes he carries a cooler with beer. And with the utmost respect, he looks like a classic alcoholic looks (sunken bloodshot eyes, looks much older than he really is, etc). I say this because I worry that it could run in his family. I don't know of anyone else in his family that has an issue with drinking though.

I should say that he tends to drink beer with his friends while either hanging out or after work. He occasionally will order a drink when we are out together. So my question is this, does it sound like something to worry about or is it that he just likes to drink beer with the guys?

Thoughts?

Thanks so much!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
Fri, 08-22-2008 - 7:02pm

Hi and welcome.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Tue, 08-26-2008 - 12:57pm

Hi.


I really cant answer this for you..I know Brenda asked your age? Sometimes men in there 20's drink beer with their buddies after work, I thinkits nothing to worry about..but if he drinks straight thru the nite then thats another issue.


However

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Tue, 08-26-2008 - 1:38pm

Hi Brenda,

Thank you for your reply. We are both 30 years old. I actually was able to talk with him more about this last night. I expressed my concern about how much he seems to be drinking lately and he did agree that he thought he had been drinking more lately and that he doesn't usually drink as often. I also expressed my concern about his uncle and he agreed that he didn't want to be like that and has no intentions of that. It seems that he is mostly drinking more lately because of the time he is with his friends and they all like to drink beer. We had a good talk last night and I have come to the conclusion that it is not a problem for him now but will continue to be watchful of his habits. Thanks again for your input.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Tue, 08-26-2008 - 1:45pm

Hi Christine,

Who ever said boys were "smart" when they got together?? :-)

When he works with his buddies on side jobs they might drink some beer after work but if it's late afternoon and he is still with them, in my mind he is still working. So I guess he really is just grabbing a beer or two with the guys after work. He does not drink straight through the night.

I read online that if a man drinks more than 2 a day that is unhealthy and could be cause for concern. What do you think? I know there are days he has more than 2 and there are days he doesn't have any. Hhhhhmmmm....

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Tue, 08-26-2008 - 2:44pm

My ex was a beer drinker..he started off drinking a few everynite , then a six pack then a twelve pack, theneventully he started drinking by himself and started drinking Jack..I'm not saying that's what your BF is going to do but, you never know. alcoholism seems to creep up on you very slowly, it can take years. I know for me it did.


I really don't think you have anything to worry about, unless he drinks and drives with kids in the car, or even with no kids. That's an issue.

Blue Glitter Name Text Christine Words - MySpace Layouts, MySpace Graphics

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2008
Tue, 08-26-2008 - 3:49pm

I disagree, as soon as you start to worry about it it is effecting your relationship and it is a problem. How big of a problem will be up to the two of you. Waiting for him to get behind of the wheel of a car is not the mark were is has become a problem. I would think that it is well ahead of that point.

Many Alcoholics justify their disease with statements like Well I have never drove drunk. or I can stop when ever I want. Justifying his actions is a sign that things are starting to get out of control. That being said there are many functional alcoholics who never show the effect of drinking at work or home.

All of this aside if you are worried then it is a problem. You have talked to him about it that is the start. Keeping an open dialogue is good. It is when you can't talk about it that you need to worry and act.

Wes

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
Tue, 08-26-2008 - 9:23pm

Hi Wes,


Welcome to the board.