How to help friend?
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|Wed, 09-10-2008 - 8:54am|
First time here; I am lurking, trying to learn from you all. I have a "friend," she is not even a close friend, but her son and my son have been friends since pre-school. A few years ago, her husband was killed in a motorcycle accident. She started to drink and I think become dependent on anti-anxiety meds then. This past year, her twin sister died of an overdose. Since then, she has started drinking very, very heavily, all the time. She misses school events because she is drunk (I know, because last week when it happened I called her to see why she wasn't there, and she was completely wasted when I talked to her. AND she was driving her car at the same time); she is on the verge of being fired (she told me this herself); she has been staying out all night and sleeping all day with a hangover on the weekends (which I know because her au pair has told a friend's au pair); it has been happening with more and more frequency, the au pair is being left in charge well over the 45 hours a week that she is supposed to be in charge... If she were not there, the kids would be fending for themselves on the weekends. They are only 8 and 4 years old.
The 8 year old is my son's friend. I have seen it on his face, his fear and confusion, lately. These kids are being neglected, pure and simple, and they deserve better. They already lost one parent, and the other one is not really "there" anymore.
A mutual friend -- who also lost a husband and has small children, so can relate to her on that level -- wants to stage an informal "intervention" this weekend. We just don't know how to go about it to make it as effective as we possibly can. We have all spoken to her at various times about her drinking, and she is very much in denial and defensive. I know she is going to be very angry and will probably take that anger out on her au pair, for spilling the beans. The kids will have NO responsible adult in the home, if she fires her au pair. Also, she has no family that could take the kids if she goes into treatment.
Any tips or advice would be very welcome.