Not even sure anymore

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2008
Not even sure anymore
7
Sat, 09-20-2008 - 9:51pm

Well let me start off my saying that I am 32 years old, and I have 4 wonderful children, and I am finally completeing college. Now why I searched for this board is because I am starting to feel like I am falling apart.


My mother is an addict, when i was 12 i went through a 60 day rehab program with her (aunts during the week, rehab on the weekend). When she was released from rehab she carried her marijuana addiction, I thought hey its better than the cocaine. So long story short I have taken care of my mom and provided for her needs for 20 years. I have protected her, and supported her while trying to keep track of my own life.


I have to go back a little further when I was 3 my little brother died of meningitis, he was cross eyed and oh so adorable. This was when my mom started using.


So after growing up with many hurtful comments, and lonely nights I figure I had made it. I have tried to ignore the past, and I thought I had forgiven and forgotten(accept that i did tell her if she ever used cocaine again that she would never see her grandchildren). I have dealt with her coddling my daughter(who looks just like me, and having issues with my boys when they were young(forgetting they were mine and not hers) but i had dealt with it all.


Anyways there is so much background that I can't go into for the sake of my own mental health. The current issue is that I have a neighbor who is not a good parent, I have called our states child protectiveservices three different times. She has a 3 month old son, my mom has been caring for this baby off and on since he was born. She has bought things for this child and is planning to petition DHS for custody of this child if the state takes him. Now last year i put oil in her tank so she wouldn't freeze, and i still help my mother out. Last week she announced she was quitting smoking pot in case DHS requires a urine test. FOR 20 YEARS she couldn't quit to take care of me, but this child resembles my brother and I appreciate that she has given up smoking pot, but how can I take care of her if she takes on a baby. Im a little jealous, and a little hurt. I wish i didn't feel this way. If anyone has some helpful words I would greatly appreciate hearing them!


Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Sun, 09-21-2008 - 8:00am

(((((((Amy))))))))


You have much to hurt over, but you are right, it will eat you alive. Is there an ACOA (Adult Child of Alcoholics) around you. Even though your Mom is an addict, the program would be the same.


We are here....for you!


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
Sun, 09-21-2008 - 9:10am

Hi and welcome to the board.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2007
Wed, 09-24-2008 - 5:39pm

Hi Amy,

I'm new to the board and don't have much advice but I wanted to offer you some ((hugs))

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Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
Mon, 09-29-2008 - 8:30pm

I hate to say this...but I know it is the right thing to do.


I think you should put a bug in the ear of whomever your mother is trying to petition to get this boy.


It is not a good healthy thing she is doing.

Missy
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2008
Mon, 09-29-2008 - 10:19pm
Well, you seem to know me pretty well, I have been contemplating that all weekend. Right now I am not emotionally stable enough for me and my own children. I have an appointment with a counselor this weekend and my dr increased my anti depressant. I am really struggling and figuring out that i am not as strong as I thought that i was. Thanks for your advice tho it is something I have been considering and though my mother will have a FIT that baby does need to be taken care of.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 5:19am

Your mother does not ever need to know it was YOU who put the bug in someones ear.


And I know that it is hard to feel like you are "betraying " your mother.

Missy
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2008
Wed, 10-01-2008 - 3:42pm

I know from first had experience how hard it is to hear a parent say that they are willing to give up an addiction for someone other than you.

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