Unfortunately, I am back again
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|Sun, 10-19-2008 - 8:52pm|
Some of you might remember me. My situation is no longer strictly about drinking, but I'm hoping some of you recovering alcoholics can give me some insight into my DH, who has been sober (I think) since March 2007.
My story goes like this: About 18 months ago, I found out that my DH was a secret drinker. He went to rehab, he/we went to therapy, he went to AA and got a great sponsor, and we slowly worked on ourselves and our marriage. It was horribly painful, but things seemed to be getting better. We had a third baby in April (a surprise pregnancy that was extremely difficult for me), and especially since then things have been very, very good. I felt like some of the old happiness was back in our lives. I was very optimistic about our future.
But yesterday DH confessed to having tens of thousands of dollars in credit card debt on a card that I didn't even know he had. He has been accumulating this debt for the last year, and got most of it during the time we were in intense therapy and trying to be really honest with each other. I am devastated all over again. It's like I'm reliving the nightmare of when he confessed to drinking.
My trust was shaky at best, but now it is obliterated again. He swears he isn't drinking, but I can't help but think he's lying. I have no proof that he is drinking, but it seems like a safe bet that he's lying about his sobriety as well.
He claims this debt and his lying about it stems from his codependency issues and "trying to do everything right" (pay bills, grow his business, take care of our family, etc.) while still being stuck in his "drinking thinking." I'm not sure if I buy it or not. My fear is that he has some kind of personality disorder or is a pathological liar or something.
So I'm wondering: If you are a recovering addict, did you have a hard time with honesty issues in other aspects of your life? Is it possible that he is just learning how to cope with codependency? Any advice is appreciated.