Not sure where to start.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Not sure where to start.....
13
Thu, 01-08-2009 - 12:19pm

I guess introducing myself would be good. I'm Traci and I'm a 42 yo single mom. I come from a family of alcoholics. From my grandparents to both of my parents. Of all of them, my mother is still living. I lost my dad 5 years ago due to a massive heart attack. I've lost both sets of grandparents over the years. And some very dear friends along the way. All but one of my grandfathers were alcohol related.


My therapist, at that time, recommended that I go to an Alanon meeting. I went, liked what I heard, and kept going back for about 7 years. Then I stopped going because I finally had a handle on that...until just recently. So after a 2 year absence, I went back to a meeting last week and then again this week.


Two days ago my mother did something she knows she not supposed to do and wound up needing to go to the ER. She wouldn't let my DD call 911. I got home about 5 minutes after everything was over and told mom I thought she should get looked at. She's 70 yo with bad osteoporosis. She said she was fine. So, I took off my coat and my shoes and sat down to relax for a few minutes before I cooked dinner. Within 15 minutes, she said she thought she needed me to take her to the ER. Being the dutiful daughter, I obliged. But I was not happy about it. Later, she asked why I was so angry. I told her that 911 should have been called. Back injuries are nothing to mess with by themselves, add in osteo and you really don't mess with it. She bruised her ribs, shoulder and back, but somehow she was lucky enough not to have broken anything.


I have bipolar disorder which has been out of control for a very long time now. I have been in a depressive episode for several months. The docs still haven't found the right combination of meds for me. This episode with my mother pretty much sent me over the edge. Someone suggested this board as a source of support in dealing with my mother. So, here I am.


That is the "short" version. Thank you for listening.


Traci

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Sat, 01-10-2009 - 7:11am

Hello and Welcome. I am so sorry I have been off the board since you posted. I am usually better than this, but I gave homework to my students and the finks actually did it, so I have been drowning in paperwork. (It still isn't done, but, hey, some things are more important than grading current event assignments- like answering you!)


I am Beth, alcoholic in recovery. I am also from a family of alcoholics and alcohol abusers.


I am glad you found AlAnon and glad you found us.


My Mom wasn't an alcoholic, but she had Alzheimers. One of the things that helped me was the same stuff that AlAnon taught you. You didn't cause it, You can't cure it and you can't control it.


You must take care of yourself. Are you eating? Getting some exercise. It is hard with depression to do what is right for ourselves, so maybe you need to make a check list....no more than 5 things. Simple things....Eat 3 meals. Shower. Brush teeth. Walk up and down the stairs 5 times. Simple, but so hard to do when our brain chemistry isn't right. Those were things my AA sponsor told me I had to do when I was getting sober...because I was wretched.


Please post again and let me know how you are.


Beth


aka


CL-WifeMomTeacher


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Sat, 01-10-2009 - 11:03am

Thank you Beth,


I have a long way to go as far as getting back into successfully working my program. The doc prescribed her vicodin for the pain from her injuries. Watching her mix the alcohol and vicodin is sheer torture, but I know there's nothing I can do. It just drives me insane.


A friend of mine invited me to hear her DH play music last night. I was encouraged to go by my therapist and a couple of very good friends. So, I went and actually had a good time. There were a lot of people there that I knew from the program and hadn't seen in a couple of years. So, I didn't feel out of place.


So, for today, I'm feeling a little better. Thank you for welcoming me to the board. I understand about the grading papers thing. My mother taught for 34 years, so I pretty much grew up around lesson plans and grading papers.


Thanks again,


Traci

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Sat, 01-10-2009 - 2:26pm

I am so glad you had a good time last night!


What are you doing today for yourself?


Beth


aka


CL-WifeMomTeacher


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Sat, 01-10-2009 - 4:21pm

I'm thinking about going and getting a haircut that is long overdue. But I'm waiting for my DD to get home so I can hear about her visit with her dad. Then, if there's time I'll go.


Traci

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Sun, 01-11-2009 - 12:34am

Traci - welcome!


Nice to meet you - my name is Betty, a grateful member of Al-Anon.

                               

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Sun, 01-11-2009 - 12:59pm

Hi Betty,


I'm hanging in there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Mon, 01-12-2009 - 8:54pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Mon, 01-12-2009 - 9:51pm

I've been the caregiver to my grandmother from about the age of 13 until she passed when I was about 23. Then, I was the caregiver to my father until he passed 5 years ago, and I've been my mother's caregiver for about the past 6 or 7 years. So, I've been at this for quite a while. I was married to a dry drunk for 7 years, verbally and emotionally abused every step of the way. It was after he and I split that I got involved with Alanon.


People have been telling me for years that I need to put myself first. I still am not quite sure how to do that, but I think I'm making progress. The book I bought is called Scarpetta by Patricia Cornwell. Today I went and got a massage to work out a back problem I'd been having. So, little by little I'm starting to do for me. It just feels very awkward and I still have to fight the feelings of guilt when I do.


The past few days have been rough on the homefront. So, once I bought my book, I pretty much stuck my nose in it, and only put it down to go to bed, go to work, and cook and eat dinner.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Tue, 01-13-2009 - 5:46am

Caregivers have a difficult time caring for themselves. And I understand the guilt part. It isn't a guilty pleasure, though, to read or get a massage. It is necessary for the human body, mind and spirit to recoup.


The 12 Steps are a great way to find who we are...I lost myself to alcohol and the steps helped me find who I was always meant to be.

Beth

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2004
Tue, 01-13-2009 - 9:29pm

Hello, Traci.

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