Child of Alcoholic Parents

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2007
Child of Alcoholic Parents
6
Mon, 01-12-2009 - 1:46pm
Hi. This could be a very long story, but I'm not going to include all of the ghorry family details. Not all at once. My mother is an alcoholic, and has been diagnosed with cirrhosis and hepatits. I wasn't raised by my mother. I was adopted by my grandparents when I was 8 yrs old. She moved out of state when I was 13, and moved back 3 years ago, not because she wanted to, but because her 5th marriage had fallen apart and she had no other choice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
Mon, 01-12-2009 - 6:30pm
OMG...your post could have been written by my child.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2007
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 3:20pm

Brenda,


Thank you for your response. It is comforting to know that there are people who understand, and interesting to hear it from a mom's point of view. Our family dynamic somewhat complicates the situation. My mother has never been one to take responsibility for her actions, but rather pawns them off on the nearest man, leaving my parents (grandparents) to pick up the pieces. If you want to know the truth, I have very bitter feelings about my mother, and that's why I finally decided to "talk" about it. (Even if it's in a message room.) I know that I feel numb to her illness. I know that she's sick (she's also stage 4), and I know that she feel lousy most days. She just got out of detox, again, a week ago and I'm sure it won't be the last time. I know that alcoholism is a disease, and it must be horrible to be controlled by something like that. At the same time, I feel sorry for my parents. They are retired, and are having to pay her bills. My dad is thinking about going back to work because my mother can't stay sober long enough to work. Luckily she works for a company that employs only recovering addicts, and they have been really supportive. I'm frustrated with my sideline view of these events, but unwilling to become involved. I'm trying to work and write this, and I apologize if I am rambling on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 4:13pm
(((((((((tric-c))))))))) Unfortunately, some alcoholics never get sober....and die.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2007
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 6:01pm

I appreciate your reply. It's nice to have someone to talk to who's not directly involved. I didn't even know that my mother had a drinking problem until she moved in with my family 3 years ago. She hid it really well, and said she didn't start drinking until she met husband #5 so we didn't really worry about how much she was drinking. Not that we weren't worried, just didn't know any better I guess. Looking back, all of the signs were there. Honestly, I get so busy between work, my 12 yr old daughter and all of her activities, my husband and every thing else I have a tendency to forget about her. That sounds horrible, I know! But I moved in with my grandparents when I was 3 years old. (The adoption didn't happen until I was 8.) I'm not used to her being around, and I feel bad about that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 7:55pm
There is no reason for you to feel bad.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2007
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 11:40am

Your family must be very proud of you! I know that recovery is difficult, and I'm sure it was a difficult journey for you. So many people succumb to the powers of alcoholism, and it's nice to talk to someone who has overcome it. My mother isn't there. I'm not sure she wants to even try. She has kinda given up on life, and she had before we found out about the liver disease. She calls sometimes, crying because the doctors said she has 5 years (if she had stayed sober) left. I tell her to use those 5 years living, not thinking about how you MIGHT die. She thinks life has been cruel to her, and maybe looking at it from her side it seems that way. But honestly, she lived her life in the moment and never thought a bout what the consequences of her actions might be. If she wanted to be high, then she did drugs. If she wanted to have sex, then she found any random guy she could. That's how she ended up in California when I was 13; because she wanted to live with a guy and he wanted to move to California...so away she went. Sometimes I envy her sense of adventure. But I'm also the one kid who never moved out of state. I live 20 miles from my parents now, and that's as far as I have ever lived from them. And I definitely could never leave my daughter. We're just different people, and there's nothing wrong with that. But I think that's why I don't understand her. My brother moved all the way to Oregon to get away from the drama. (he lived with her in California in high school) There are other issues at work here besides just alcoholism. I just want her to be productive until she can't be any longer, and I don't want her to suffer anymore than she already has. I think I want her to stop disappointing me, and I don't know if that is possible. SIGH...