Do I have a valid concern?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2007
Do I have a valid concern?
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 11:26am

Hi Everyone!

I'm new to this board and I guess I'm looking to "validate" my concerns. First, a little about me. My name is Heidi I'm 28 and have been with my boyfriend who is 22 for 2.5 years. When we first got together he was just under 21 and he would have a drink here and there. Then after he turned 21 his frequency of drinking picked up and he'd have a beer here and a beer there. For the last 6 or so months he's been having 2-3 drinks a night whether that is beer, Sparks, or mixed drinks.

Fast forward to this week....Monday night after dinner he ran to the bank then when he returned I noticed he grabbed a bottle of Maker's Mark from the liquor cabinet. At this time I didn't think anything of it, I actually thought he might have a soda or something in his room to mix with it. Then last night he ran some errands and picked up a different hard liquor before dinner(he was specifically looking for something that was 80+ proof). We sit down for dinner and I noticed he grabbed a shot glass and was drinking this Yukon Jack without mixing it. I thought this was kinda odd but just brushed it off again. While we were watching TV he kept saying he was buzzed and acting obnoxious. After we finished watching The Biggest Loser he went to his computer room with the bottle and shot glass (which it's normal for him to go in there every night).

Later on in the evening I had gone into "his room" to ask him a question and noticed he had the bottle of Makers Mark and a bottle of Tequila under his desk. This is where I started to get concerned. I never saw him get the Tequila from the liquor cabinet so I'm not sure when he was drinking that. I dismissed it and went to bed. Then this morning I was getting a shirt from the bedroom and he asked me to bring him his phone. Which is very odd since he usually doesn't even get up until after I leave. Well, it turned out that he called into work today. I'm guessing it was because he is too hung over. I personally saw him take about 4-5 shots of the Yukon Jack.

Is this something I should be concerned about? If so what can I do to help this situation?




Mama to 3 furbabies: Hope, Abby, Spaz



Mama to 3 furbabies: Hope, Abby, Spaz

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 7:29pm

Hi there - Welcome!

Yes, there are some red flags that are waving - you do have a reason to be concerned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 6:02am

Hi Heidi

Great job quitting smoking!!!!

I think there is a problem with alcohol. Whether it is misuse, abuse or alcoholism...I don't know.

I do know that your bf is escalating. Did he drink yesterday after pounding them down the night before? Have the two of you talked about what happened? Let us know.

I like Leslie's suggestion of AlAnon.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2009
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 7:58am far as concerns...yes, putting the bottles under the desk is a red flag for far as helping really can't...I think that you can just help yourself...
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2009
Fri, 01-16-2009 - 10:57am


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Fri, 01-16-2009 - 4:07pm

There is a continuum of alcohol use. There are abstainers (for any reason), alcohol users (the social drinkers), alcohol mis-users (the one's who usually socially drink, but plan a drunk once in a blue moon), alcohol abusers, and alcoholics.

An alcoholic cannot go back to being a social drinker. An alcohol abuser might be able to go back to being a social drinker.

The only way to know for sure if someone is an abuser or an alcoholic is to see if they can stop at one or two. If they can...great...if not, then abstaining is pretty much the only way to go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Tue, 01-20-2009 - 4:53pm

Heidi! -


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2006
Fri, 01-23-2009 - 2:22pm

With regards to your hubby cutting back, here is my brief story.

I stopped 23 years of heavy drinking 3 years ago (binging in my teens and 20's and daily, heavy drinking in my 30s). I now drink 2-3 per day as part of a harm reduction or moderation habit. The long term health hazards are still there, as the recommended daily limit for women is somewhere between .5 and 2 drinks per day, depending on what part of the world you get your stats from. However, I am no longer drunk and hungover every day. For me, better is better.

Every test I took, online or on real paper, indicated that I had a serious alcohol problem or even alcoholism. Only my doctor and my psychologist believed I only had a bad habit and encouraged me to cut back. No abstaining was necessary for me.


Edited 1/23/2009 2:24 pm ET by apricot.sushi