Pretty much decided to leave

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2008
Pretty much decided to leave
Mon, 02-02-2009 - 11:47am

I have been struggling for months about whether or not to leave my relationship with ABF. Unlike so many I have read about on here and other places, he is not abusive--I know I would never put up with that. I'm just so tired of alcohol being the most important thing in his life. It's an every night thing. He lives in a different city than me and we have been in a long distance relationship for about 15 months. I broke up with him back in the summer due to some issues (him drinking and becoming obnoxious and blaming it something I did). But he promised to do better and said he would drink less or not at all when around me. Well of course that didn't last long. He seems to be drinking more than ever now, though he hasn't been obnoxious anymore. I just know in my heart that I will never accept or be comfortable with his need to drink every night, no matter where he is or what is going on.

Another issue I have struggled with is sex. I am 51 and sex is still a very important part of a relationship for me. I am just not ready to give up an active, passionate sex life. He told me that sex used to be really important to him but in the last few years he just doesn't care that much about it anymore. Lucky me, huh? We usually have sex once on the weekend and it's so-so. If I stay with him I feel I will be giving up something that means a great deal to me and I will resent that. So, he gets to do what is important to him--drink every night--but what am I getting out of it? Sure, he's a good guy and is concerned for me--fixes things around my house and takes me out a lot--things like that.

This is so do I get through it? And how can I break up with him when I only see him on the weekend? Ending relationships has always been extremely hard for me--I usually agonize, sometimes for years, over what to do and how to do it and flip-flop forever. I'm just trying to be realistic here...I know things are not going to change and be the way I want.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2004
Mon, 02-02-2009 - 7:59pm

Sounds like you need to figure out why you are in this particular relationship in the first place?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Mon, 02-02-2009 - 8:57pm

Suzi! -

Making a decision like this is usually not done easily.