Question for Recovering Alcoholics

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2005
Question for Recovering Alcoholics
Sat, 02-07-2009 - 5:11pm

I have a question for those alcoholics who are in recovery.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Sat, 02-07-2009 - 7:06pm

I can only speak for myself but when I was drinking I still loved the people I was in a relationship with.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Sun, 02-08-2009 - 7:34am


If I may try and interpret for him? I am positive that he felt affection, attraction, and all the 'romantic' love things for you. I am also pretty positive that he didn't understand what loving someone meant. It means so much more than attraction, affection and sex. It means compromise and concern and the courtesy of a phone call if you are going to be late. It means looking at ourselves and becoming something better because the other person is in our lives. THAT love, he couldn't understand because he was drinking.

You weren't a 'learning experience.' You may have been an instrument of his higher power.

Bye Cookie
Cookie 12/1994-1/2009


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2005
Sun, 02-08-2009 - 4:37pm
Thank you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2009
Thu, 02-19-2009 - 10:18am

I just had to pipe in and agree with the other posters here.

When I was drinking, I was uncapable of unselfish love. I loved and adored my husband, but always in the context of what I could get out of it. (how that stings to say!) At the time I certainly did not look at it that way! I thought I was the most loving and caring person there was. In AA and Alanon I learned that I was manipulative, and even dishonest. I was emotionally dishonest because I couldn't tell anyone the way I felt for fear of losing approval... or whatever.

So, I would say that he probably loved you to the greatest extent that he could.