book suggestions please if any

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
book suggestions please if any
3
Tue, 02-24-2009 - 6:13pm
Hi everyone... I posted here a month ago about entering a new relationship with a recovering addict/alcoholic. Things are going well. We did however hit a wall this weekend. We were having an awesome talk which we have frequently. Sometimes they seem like therapy sessions. He talks alot of different things he went thru in his life. I cannot get into it but he really was not a good person during his 25yrs of using. Sometimes I cannot tell if he is testing me or trying to get me to run or what. This last talk we had ended with him in quiet tears that he didnt want me to see. He was putting himself down and I was giving him reasons not to. pointing out all he has accomplished. He turned his back so i couldnt see the tears. I knew he was crying but i said nothing. I left him in his quiet for the few moments. He then seemed angry. He told me to stop it. He then went into all the bad things he has done. He told me he likes me and he tells himself "what r you doing" she is going to get hurt. Then he tells himself he should just accept it and see where it goes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
Tue, 02-24-2009 - 8:22pm
Well, there is Al-Anon.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Wed, 02-25-2009 - 4:48am

brenda... thank you.. i can clearly see that he doesnt know how to give without hesitation.. He shows me he cares in very small ways. At first i wasn't recognizing them but now I am. If he was any other man who did not come to me with this "baggage" for lack of a better word, I would be walking away. I now know not to take his detachment personal. He did say to me that he will end up using me so that is the one thing I have to set a boundary for myself. I am sometimes nurturing to a fault. He knows that and he told me to stop it or he will start to use me and he doesnt want to.


I know I have chosen a hard road. I thought hard about it. He gave me opportunity to turn around and walk. I am going to take this a step at a time. I have told him and myself that I will have to walk away if I have to. My fear is that if I walk away how will it affect him. He is afraid of that too. and he has good reason.


Thank you for the suggestions. I am sure I will be back here from time to time..


Gina


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2002
Wed, 02-25-2009 - 8:48am

I don't know if you want to hear this from me or not, because when I started dating my alcoholic bf, I didn't want to hear this and now I wish I had.


 


"OMG, I got engaged, the world will never be the same!...."


&nbs