How to say goodbye-there's no future

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
How to say goodbye-there's no future
10
Mon, 03-16-2009 - 11:03pm

This is my first post here.


I've spent most of the evening reading the other posts and feel honestly heartbroken.


During my divorce almost six years ago, I met a man who had started his own life over.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
Tue, 03-17-2009 - 9:32am

I don't know that I have any suggestions to make it easier to leave a relationship but I know how you feel. I too fell in love with a sober alcoholic. He started to drink again during our relationship. I stayed, listening to his promise to quit over & over again. I left the relationship early this year and while it has been hard I keep reminding myself that I am more important than alcohol and deserve better.


There are moments when I remember the good times, the sober times, but for my own sanity I have to remember the bad times. When I think about it objectively I know there were far more bad times than good times. I also know that if, big if, he were to get sober and we tried again I would never trust that he could stay sober. I would always be waiting for that next drink and I do not want to, cannot live my life like that.


Even though I've left that relationship I still check in with this board as a support of sorts. It really helps me to understand that there are many people out there like me and it gives me a lot of hope that alcoholics can work a good recovery program. Keep coming back here.

LG
LG
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2009
Tue, 03-17-2009 - 10:56am
This is such a tough one. I went through much the same a few years ago. After not coping well with the original loss I decided to seek counseling. I chose the Woman's Wellness program at Princeton House. The program is designed specifically for women's wellness and recovery and focuses on those life stressors which particularly affect us in our daily lives. There were lots of tips about relationship loss and coping with partners who may be addicted to various substances, legal and otherwise. They also taught me a lot about staying aware of the link between my mind and body and to not let myself get too run down caring for others.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Wed, 03-18-2009 - 5:57am

Continue to lean on your minister and people from your church. Loss is a terrible thing.


I do know, though, that you will lose more if you stay with this drinker than if you leave now. You deserve someone


Avatar for ladypleiades
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Wed, 03-18-2009 - 3:18pm

I just want to say Welcome to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2004
Fri, 03-20-2009 - 2:19pm

Welcome to the board and thank you for your post.


Loss is never easy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Sat, 03-21-2009 - 12:51am

Thanks to all of you for the kind and helpful words.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Sat, 03-21-2009 - 11:02am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Wed, 03-25-2009 - 11:50pm

Hello again,


Separating the disease from the person...I think I can do that....Thanks for the reminders.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
Sat, 03-28-2009 - 10:14am
Another option you may want to consider is the book, "Co-Dependent No More". I've read it and use it in my work. It's a great resource for women like us.
LG
LG
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2006
Wed, 04-08-2009 - 1:00am
Oh my dear. I am so sorry for your loss. I am sorry you are losing another relationship. You are turning to the RIGHT places, my dear! Your minister and your church family will love you and hold your hand through this. I wear a necklace ... the footprints in the sand ... because it was Then that he Carried me :-) Hold to your faith during this time. It was my husband's alcoholism that brought me back to Christ. So, that was a blessing ... in the midst of a great sorrow. It has only been 6 months for me - I know I am still dealing with the loss ... but I will be OK. I will land on my feet and so will YOU! I will probably be single for quite some time. I just want to send you a hug.