Contact with ex

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
Contact with ex
2
Sun, 03-29-2009 - 11:50am

It's been several weeks since I ended my relationship with an active alcoholic. I am moving on with my life, spending time with old friends and meeting new ones. I'm not seeking a relationship at this time as I'm not ready for that but I am casually dating. The men I see are aware of my feelings on this and have been wonderful so far.


My ex still calls and sends messages. About a week ago we actually had a nice conversation, talking about work, kids, and life stuff, nothing too intense. I hung up the phone feeling pretty good, thinking maybe someday we can be friends. Last night he called and was obviously well into the alcohol. I feel so sorry for him, he is so depressed. I know the alcohol makes it worse but that's not something he is ready to recognize yet. I guess the one thing calls like that do for me is reinforce my belief that I did the right thing in ending the relationship. He did ask last night if we were over forever and was there a chance I could come back into his life. I was able to say without hesitation that it is over and I can't live the life he would want me too. It felt good to be able to say that, not with anger or bitterness, just with resolution.


I just wish there were some way he could be convinced to seek help and to get out of his private little pity party. Not for my sake, no matter what he does at this point I will not return to the relationship but for his own. I hate to see people hurting like that.

LG
LG
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2004
In reply to: jm_lg
Sun, 03-29-2009 - 3:01pm
LG, it's great to hear that you are feeling good about your decision.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
In reply to: jm_lg
Sun, 03-29-2009 - 4:06pm

Thanks for the kind words. I know how difficult it is to make that final decision. There is so much guilt and anger that goes with loving an alcoholic. It took me a long time to get to the end, far longer than it should have but I kept hoping. There is no hope whatsoever now. I know in my heart and my brain that this is the way it has to be.


I still think about him, been thinking a lot about him today. Not in the *I wish* sense but thinking about his well being. I'm at the point where I can wish him well, wish him happiness, and know that I am not going to be part of that and I'm OK with that.


Good luck with you decision and keep coming back here for support. It helped me more than words can express.

LG
LG