What do you think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2007
What do you think?
Fri, 04-10-2009 - 9:31am

Okay, so this is my first post here, but I've been dealing with this issue for a couple years now. My husband is a heavy drinker and I don't know if he's an alcoholic or teetering on the border. I'm fed up with the drinking though. The last couple months he will drink about 4-5 nights out of the week. He justifies that he is not an alcoholic because he can make it to work the next morning and function throughout the day. However, he can drink until he is well drunk and get up, go to work and do it the next evening. When he gets drunk, he can quickly get angry and start arguing nonsense. Last night is a perfect example. I knew he was drunk and that's why I offered him a ride when he said he wanted to go get something to eat. He got angry! He said "Why do you care about me driving while drunk all of the sudden?" I had know idea what he meant, but apparently he had been drunk before and I told him to go get himself something to eat if he wanted it so badly (i had know idea he was drunk, he can sometimes hide it from me.)
Well, we started arguing, which was useless because it goes no where. Then he goes off and punches the microwave breaking the front glass door. I was so upset this morning when I saw it. Yea, it's just a microwave, but it was the last item I had of my belated Uncle and I planned on using it until it died, not until someone punched out the front glass.
Yea, he punches and throws things when he's drunk. You can just follow the dents and scuff marks around the house. I dont fear for myself or the dog (no children) because I know he wouldn't punch us, but I was just so hurt that he destroyed the last thing I had left from my uncle that didn't have much.
The other problem is, we live right next to his father and brother in-law who are all real close, but drink just as hard. They see it as a manly thing and it's what men do, but they don't see the destruction that goes on in our house and have to put up with him when they say goodnight to each other. He doesn't want to do anything anymore, other than drink and go to events that has drinks.
I'm tired. I'm tired of the angry/weepy ramblings. I don't know what to do and if I should confront him. He's really apologetic and sorry today since he saw what he last night and remembered that he was arguing with me about wanting to drive him somewhere!
I do love him and he wasn't like this before we got married, which is why it hurts to see him do this to himself.

Sorry if this went on and a little unorganized...I had to type fast.


~~ Valerie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Fri, 04-10-2009 - 7:42pm

Hello Valerie

I am Beth, a recovering alcoholic. I could drink, get up, work, drink, get up work and I also had a personality change when I drank. I, too, got nasty.

Please know that you are living with someone who may escalate from furniture to a person. I know, because I did. You are worth more than that.

Please think about going to a therapist with credentials in the effects of alcohol on the family, or to AlAnon or talking to a spiritual leader. We will be here to help you, but face to face is always better.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Tue, 04-14-2009 - 9:17am

Hi Valerie,

You are in a dangerous situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Tue, 04-14-2009 - 11:40am

Valerie! -