Please just tell me that you understand

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2009
Please just tell me that you understand
3
Tue, 06-29-2010 - 5:16am

My husband and I are both alcoholics.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Tue, 06-29-2010 - 7:07am
Hi Meg
I am Beth, an alcoholic, married to another alcoholic. We are both sober, but totally aware that going back out would mean the end of living together until sobriety came back into play.
I understand wanting confirmation that I am right. I would want to the other person to be upfront and honest. Now read the last three words in the last sentence again. Does that REALLY sound like any drinking alcoholic? Not any I ever was or met.
Please attend as many AlAnon and AA meetings as you can manage. We are here for you too.

Beth

Alcohol. Substances, and Recovery



iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Tue, 06-29-2010 - 8:27am
...you know the answers...and, you understand the alcoholic mind...he is drinking and he really thinks you'll believe that of all the billing mistakes that can happen, it's a purchase at a liquor store...stop obsessing over his drinking...bring your fears to the attention of the courts and pray for the best...how frustrating...
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2002
Tue, 06-29-2010 - 8:21pm

Yes, yes, I understand the crazy making behavior. When you ask a question and you know darn well the answer is a lie, but deep down you want to believe it, that in itself tears you up inside. It would be different if he owned up to the truth, but the truth is, he hides behind the lies so you'll get off his case. Been there, done that.

I don't drink, but I was in a relationship for 4 years with an alcoholic and I can tell you, they will say and do anything to try to hide their addiction, but they're not sober enough to know that their spouse/partner can see right through the lies. We just get too wore out and confused to fight anymore.

You mentioned giving Al-anon a try, that would be a great idea. In one of my meetings there was a recovering alcoholic who went to AA for his own alcoholism, and Al-anon to deal with is wife's alcoholism. He had been sober for a few years, but his wife was continuing, and he was just trying to do what he could to stay in the marriage without going completely insane.

Al-anon is based on the same 12 step principles as AA so it'll be familiar, however, it can help teach you how to care for yourself and focus on things other than your H drinking. Meaning, you'll learn to detach and live your life outside of the crazy making mind-set.

Good luck to you, take care and God bless.

Deb



 


"OMG, I got engaged, the world will never be the same!...."


&nbs