Having a hard time

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2008
Having a hard time
4
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 6:42pm

This is my first post on ivillage, on any website, actually. I've never really been much of a web-writer, but I'm feeling a bit lost here and all the posts seem so friendly and encouraging. So I'm giving this a try, and apologizing in advance for the pity party that will no doubt follow here.

I'm a 25-year-old grad student, currently studying abroad in England. Losing weight has been my life's focus since I was about 9 years old and I went from being a normal kid to the overweight one to the very overweight one by the time I graduated high school. There were a lot of issues involving stress-based and emotional eating, but also some serious metabolic issues at work, and all the usual courses such as Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, etc were tried with no success, in large part because I was too young / immature to be able to fully commit. Went to college, and joined a very intense athletic team, so was able to work my way down about 45 pounds, but used all that exercise as an excuse to continue to eat what I wanted, with predictable results, mostly losing and gaining 15-20 pounds a year depending on where our season was.

Long story short, I graduated, worked for 2 years, and continued to try desperately to find some combination of exercise / eating that worked to try to lose the remaining 25-30 pounds I need to take off to have a healthy body (no delusions of model-like thinness here, what I really want is just to feel fit, lean and toned). Nothing has worked. I came to the UK recently for a graduate program and went through several weeks of serious binges and then starvation cycles, then decided I needed to overhaul my approach. Doing some research on South Beach actually led me to this site, and I entered the program full of positive feelings. I lost 7 the first week on Phase I and was ecstatic, then only lost 1 the next, and was dismayed, but still tried to maintain the positive vibes from the previous week, though I found myself feeling tired and sluggish. This week I started Phase II, and things are going really poorly. I have not had any cheats, but I find that I am absolutely obsessed with food. I think about it all the time, what I am going to eat next mostly, but also I have intense feelings of frustration and anxiety thinking about what I can't eat, like being in a coffee shop and watching people eating cookies and getting upset to the point of wanting to cry. It's ridiculous, but I don't know how to stop. I have introduced just the recommended 2 "good" carbs a day, some of which have been things I never would have allowed myself in the past (like cereal, Grapenuts, the only thing I could find here that met the fiber requirements), and I feel bloated and heavier every day.

I guess the point of this rather pathetic, long-winded post is that I am starting to feel like I am destined for life-long failure on the weight-loss front. I felt so good at the start of South Beach, like here might be a way to finally take control over this thing that has so dominated my life, and right now I know that in two days when I weigh myself it's going to be heavier, even though I haven't cheated, and I am going to want to give up all hope. It could be I'm not getting the portions quite right, or that I'm not exercising vigorously enough, and lots of stuff like the recommended sweet treats aren't available here, so I have to rely on things like sugar-free hard candies or gum, which aren't really doing it for me. My mom and aunt are coming next week and we are traveling Europe for two weeks, and right now I feel like no matter what I do I'm going to gain weight then and be right back where I started, and absolutely miserable. I just feel totally at a loss and am so tired of trying and failing.

I guess I just wanted to throw all that out to the universe. I apologize for being such a downer for anyone who actually read all of this. Thanks and I'm sorry again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 6:59pm

Hi, and welcome to the board!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2004
Sun, 03-09-2008 - 9:43am

Welcome to the South Beach board.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2005
Sun, 03-09-2008 - 10:15am

If I have to guess, I bet you're not eating enough.

Jennifer


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2006
Sun, 03-09-2008 - 11:16am

The first that hits me is - its not necessarily a negative to think about food, consider options, make choices, plan, etc. We do this in many other areas of our life and consider it a good thing. We track our finances, balance our checkbook, plan our investments and savings. We plan and maintain our health care - make our annual doctor appointments, dental appointments, refill prescriptions regularly. We think about maintenance of our homes, cars, etc. - checking our oil levels, checking the gas gauge, making our oil change appointments. Those are all considered GOOD things to do to keep life running smoothly. But for some reason people think that we should not have to "think" about food or how we eat. I'm not really sure why, I just see thinking about food as another thing on the list of grown up responsibilities we have - managing money, managing health, managing our food and bodies.

Also - I think you have to stop looking at what other people are doing. You have no idea what or why they are eating that cookie. First off, I tend to notice that MOST of the people eating those things in restaurants are overweight - which I don't want to be. So I say, let them eat that cookie or burger and look the way they do. I'll have a salad and look the way I do. Then if they aren't overweight, you have no idea if maybe that is the ONE cookie they allow themselves every month as a reward for spending 7 days at the gym. Occasionally (once every two weeks) you will see me out at a restaurant eating something non-SBD friendly. But the reason I do that is because I eat healthy and think about my eating ALL the rest of the time. If you happened to catch me on that day - you may see me and be jealous without reason, because really I am just like you!

















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