Wednesday Phase 2 Check IN

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Wednesday Phase 2 Check IN
12
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 1:10pm

Hello friends. Hope you are all doing well. I am a little sleepy. I could not sleep last night. I'm a little grumpy and depressed. DH is gone for awhile for work and I always get depressed. I need something to get me motivated~I should have went to work out today. Oh well I think I'll try something this afternoon.


b: nothing yet


s: lite baby bell cheese


l: lean cuisine


s: lc on triscuits


d: lean cuisine


s: sf popsicles


Tricia


298.4/300.2/140


p.s. I'm feeling so desperate. I want to lose weight so bad, I hate being fat. Sometimes it feels like the harder I try the bigger I get. I want to do weight loss surgery but I'm so afraid something will go wrong and I will suffer because of my vanity. I want to be healthy. I really do. It's just so hard. I can't understand why I can't do this. Why is this so hard. I'm so embarrassed because my stomach is so big. I hate waddling around. I know that my dd wonders why mommy looks so different then the other mommies. I can do cardio for 45 min but I can't seem to stop eating. I binge and purge and binge and purge. I try not to eat at night but then I wake up in the night and eat. I feel so guilty.  I usually can do good during the day but lately I've been bingeing and purging on McDonalds. I thought that without the stress of my job maybe I could be happier and begin to care and love myself. I'm trying but I feel further away from myself.....Well I'm feeling better, I needed to talk(write) and the tears needed to flow. I think tom is coming and I'm very emotional right now especially w/ dh gone and it's just dd and me. I know I can do this the healthy way, I have to to have any kind of normal life. This isn't me. I was the into sports and running and I want to be again! I know I can do this.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 10:38pm

Tricia.. I had to pop in and just check the boards (i saw your post and started to cry myself.)
I see in your writing someone. ME!

I have never dealt with the binging and purging (i had m/s with DS that was so bad that i was always puking after eating, ) and i've in my mind thought of doing that so i can get thinner, but I always try to re-direct my mind.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 12:24am

Thank You!Thank You!Thank You!Thank You!Thank You!Thank You!Thank You!Thank You!Thank You!Thank You!Thank You!Thank You!Thank You!Thank You!Thank You!Thank You!Thank You!Thank You!Thank You!Thank You!


You are awesome for giving me all those positive thoughts. It's nice to know I'm not alone. I just had a huge relapse and was ashamed and waited to long to say anything. I'm happy I finally did have the courage to say something to dh. I worry so much what he things of me when all he feels for me is love and he doesn't want me to hurt. But I do feel so much better!


Thanks again, really. I needed that!


Love,


Tricia.

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