Dealing with pain

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
Dealing with pain
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 7:01pm

I have just been posting and trying not to feel for the past 2 days.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 7:35pm


My heart and prayers go out to you and to her family. What a blessing it was for you to have known her. Love always to you my friend

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 8:54pm
Dear, dear friend,
I do not know if there are words adequate enough to say anything wise or comforting. We cannot know why bad things happen to good people, or why such a tragedy would befall a young mother. I truly, truly believe, as you do, that she is walking with God and free from pain and misery now. I also believe with all my heart that you were one of God's angels to help her in this life until she made it to the next. You were so very, very critically sick yourself not too long ago, and have faced much adversity. I remember telling you that God had plans for you and that you weren't done here yet.
Obviously, this is one of those times when God's plans are made clear.
Your love, your smile, your faith, your upbeat-ness, your courage - all of those qualities that have endeared you to us were there for Debbie. I can only imagine her joy when she saw you enter her room each time to visit.
May she rest in peace.
May your sadness be lessened knowing that you, dear Brenda, made a difference.
Love, Leslie
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2002
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 10:40pm

Oh sorry to hear this.


"OMG, I got engaged, the world will never be the same!...."


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2007
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 12:53am

Oh Brenda, how sad. I know I am fairly new to this board, and you have already been so sweet to me. I am sure your friend must have felt so blessed to have you as part of her life.

You are absolutely right on all accounts about the dignity, the ability to feel, the eyes lighting up......absolutely you learned what you were there to learn. I word it that way because I believe that something good comes from every situation and there is always a lesson to be learned from difficult times in our lives.

I saw very similar things with my grandmother when she started her journey out of this world. I don't intend to make this about me, but I thought this story might be of interest.

Granny and I were best friends since I was a kid. I spent a lot of time with her as a teenager....took her to the doctor, shopping, helped her cook, .....protected her from grandpa in his drunk rampages....we were close....I'm sorry to say she and my mom were not.

When she started really going down hill health wise, mom got more involved out of necessity.....but she still called me to help when there was something big to handle. Mom arranged it so that I was the one who took her to the hospital when she broke her hip.....and worse.....she made sure I was the one who left her alone in the nursing home the first night. Mom could not seem to understand the need to respect her dignity, and kept swearing up and down that granny was a vegetable.....had no idea where she was. She even made comments in front of granny that IF granny was still here on Mother's Day....she wanted me or my sister to feed granny so she could go away for the weekend.

The first night at the nursing home, granny was acting like a vegetable......until mom left (this was her mom btw). About 30 seconds after mom walked out, I was trying to help granny get her drink that my mom insisted on holding, insisted that she had to have the straw and she couldn't hold it on her own......well, granny always was a little as soon as mom was out of site, she asked for the drink, threw the straw out, and turned up the can. Then I asked her a question and jokingly said, do you know what you want granny.......she looked straight in my eyes and said, "well hell honey, I hope so". I was floored! I said, "Granny, I have a feeling you know exactly what you're doing"......and she looked up with her sneaky little light in her eyes and said, "hmmmh?". Now granny was truly sick and this was a little woman who was 90 lbs. soaking wet on a good day.....she had been abused her whole life and she was not a mean person at all, but since mom chose not to believe in her and show her respect, she chose to perform while mom was was her way of coping. (I should mention that at this same time grandpa was in the hospital on death's door.)

God bless her, she survived some unbelievable things in her life, and she always found it in her heart to be good to people anyway. She use to get confused and mom would yell at her, but if she was with me, we had such a conection, I could convince her everything was ok.....and she trusted me. She would always say at the end of a "spell" as long as I'm with you, I know I'm alright. God I miss her!

This is one more place in life I wish my mom had not missed something so special, but life isn't always what we wish it would be

Forgive me for indulging in the story of granny, but I always laugh when I think of that night at the nursing home, and I know the light was still in her eyes long after her body wasn't cooperating with her. I just wanted to say how awesome it is that you were there for this lady and had the chance to experience what you did. I know you made a difference for her....and she for you. I hope you can find a funny or touching time to remember with your buddy that will bring you comfort right now. Take care.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 7:51am
I had to jump back in here and tell you how much I enjoyed reading your story. Moments like the one you shared with your grandmother have places in our hearts forever. Thank you for sharing it with Brenda and the board.
You may be a "newer addition" to the board, but you are a welcome and refreshing one at that!
Thank you,
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2007
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 10:18am
I really appreciate that Leslie!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 2:57pm

Hi Lorelai,

I do appreciate your share.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2007
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 3:03pm
There is a quote I recently stumbled across from Meister Eckhart? not even sure who he is.....that says "If the only prayer you ever say in your whole life is thank you, that would suffice." I try to remember that when I don't know what else to do. I hope you feel better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 3:04pm

I wanted to leave this for everyone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 5:49pm
(((((((((((Sister Dearest)))))))))))) do you know how much I love you? Anyone that knows you,loves you : ) You have such a warm heart and lovingly gentle spirit. It's why God brought me to you ! Thanks be to God that Debbie is no longer trapped in that body. Free to walk, run, hug and be hugged again !

We have had our share of ups and downs over the years, but I am sure that you did for Debbie exactly what you do for me and everyone else, you gave of yourself and held her hand and hugged her and got her through difficult moments.

I miss you terribly. I hope your pain is overshadowed by the knowledge that Debbie is now free : )

Love ya bunches !
Your adoring little sister : )