I have just been posting and trying not to feel for the past 2 days.
My heart and prayers go out to you and to her family. What a blessing it was for you to have known her. Love always to you my friend
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Oh Brenda.......so sorry to hear this.
"OMG, I got engaged, the world will never be the same!...."
Oh Brenda, how sad. I know I am fairly new to this board, and you have already been so sweet to me. I am sure your friend must have felt so blessed to have you as part of her life.
You are absolutely right on all accounts about the dignity, the ability to feel, the eyes lighting up......absolutely you learned what you were there to learn. I word it that way because I believe that something good comes from every situation and there is always a lesson to be learned from difficult times in our lives.
I saw very similar things with my grandmother when she started her journey out of this world. I don't intend to make this about me, but I thought this story might be of interest.
Granny and I were best friends since I was a kid. I spent a lot of time with her as a teenager....took her to the doctor, shopping, helped her cook, .....protected her from grandpa in his drunk rampages....we were close....I'm sorry to say she and my mom were not.
When she started really going down hill health wise, mom got more involved out of necessity.....but she still called me to help when there was something big to handle. Mom arranged it so that I was the one who took her to the hospital when she broke her hip.....and worse.....she made sure I was the one who left her alone in the nursing home the first night. Mom could not seem to understand the need to respect her dignity, and kept swearing up and down that granny was a vegetable.....had no idea where she was. She even made comments in front of granny that IF granny was still here on Mother's Day....she wanted me or my sister to feed granny so she could go away for the weekend.
The first night at the nursing home, granny was acting like a vegetable......until mom left (this was her mom btw). About 30 seconds after mom walked out, I was trying to help granny get her drink that my mom insisted on holding, insisted that she had to have the straw and she couldn't hold it on her own......well, granny always was a little sneaky.......so as soon as mom was out of site, she asked for the drink, threw the straw out, and turned up the can. Then I asked her a question and jokingly said, do you know what you want granny.......she looked straight in my eyes and said, "well hell honey, I hope so". I was floored! I said, "Granny, I have a feeling you know exactly what you're doing"......and she looked up with her sneaky little light in her eyes and said, "hmmmh?". Now granny was truly sick and this was a little woman who was 90 lbs. soaking wet on a good day.....she had been abused her whole life and she was not a mean person at all, but since mom chose not to believe in her and show her respect, she chose to perform while mom was around......it was her way of coping. (I should mention that at this same time grandpa was in the hospital on death's door.)
God bless her, she survived some unbelievable things in her life, and she always found it in her heart to be good to people anyway. She use to get confused and mom would yell at her, but if she was with me, we had such a conection, I could convince her everything was ok.....and she trusted me. She would always say at the end of a "spell" as long as I'm with you, I know I'm alright. God I miss her!
This is one more place in life I wish my mom had not missed something so special, but life isn't always what we wish it would be
Forgive me for indulging in the story of granny, but I always laugh when I think of that night at the nursing home, and I know the light was still in her eyes long after her body wasn't cooperating with her. I just wanted to say how awesome it is that you were there for this lady and had the chance to experience what you did. I know you made a difference for her....and she for you. I hope you can find a funny or touching time to remember with your buddy that will bring you comfort right now. Take care.
I do appreciate your share.
I wanted to leave this for everyone.