I'm in so much pain =(

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2008
I'm in so much pain =(
Sat, 01-26-2008 - 9:58pm

Hello Message Board,

My name is Adriene. I am 31 years old, female, living with 2 cats. I am wondering some things about people with an addiction and the traits/qualities of friendships/relationships they get into.

I ran into a guy who's family (and him)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Sat, 01-26-2008 - 10:04pm


Addicts can drive the people around them nuts. I am sure others will come and tell their story!

You need to get some face to face help. I would recommend AlAnon or NarAnon.

Follow me to my favorite boards!

Alcohol Problems Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2008
Sat, 01-26-2008 - 10:12pm

Thank you so much for replying, I know someone is out there,
because I'm having a very rough day/evening =(

I do have a therapist, I see her Monday afternoon. I called her earlier,
but she hasn't returned my call =(

I've alot of positive regarding groups, but I'm also a shy girl.

When I'm able to take a mental step back from my situation, I feel like my friend is someone who tries hard to present himself to the world

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2007
Sat, 01-26-2008 - 11:30pm

Hi Adriene,

I had a situation kind of similar to yours and so hopefully this helps a little.

I was in a relationship with a guy for a couple of years and I

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2007
Sat, 01-26-2008 - 11:38pm
That doesn't sound like it's from outer space. The guy I dated had tons of friends and seemed
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2008
Sun, 01-27-2008 - 12:13am

Thank you so much for your insight and experiences with this.

To try and find a silver lining, the extent of my use was hand in hand with
spending time with him. That is, I just had no desire to use unless he was present,
I'm guessing because it was more fun to do so.
Once we started distancing from each other, he started to distance himself from me
actually when I started questioning if he was using me. It faded itself out on my end. (Last time I did it was Oct. 27th, 2007)

For me, I was more addicted to him.
Now that he's totally fed up with me, and has said Adios to the friendship for good, I feel like
the other half of me has died =(
I've felt shell shocked for pretty much the whole day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2007
Sun, 01-27-2008 - 12:32am

What is it that you enjoy doing? What are your ambitions? Where do you want to go right now?

I'm sorry it is hard right now. He seems to have made you feel like you pushed him away and that you still could have had him if you didn't say anything

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2007
Sun, 01-27-2008 - 7:26pm

YES! That's exactly part of the manipulation and control..The minute you start seeing things for what they are--BAMM they put it all back on you and before you know it you question if you are going crazy. Been 'there' and getting out of 'there'.

But thankfully you have realized what he is doing..Addicts use people and it hurts..Especially when you feel an addiction towards them too...I know...it's hard to let go and it is lonely..But better to realize the relationship for what it is now than to wait until you are so trapped you can't figure out how to get out..I waited 10 years....I'm just a slow learner I guess...But I spent the first 5 years thinking I was going crazy..went to the dr to get on all kinds of anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, etc...I went to therapy countless times....little did I realize all I had to do was put him out of my life and the rest would come together...Please don't question yourself....that's what he wants...your gut doesn't lie to you!