BETH

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
BETH
10
Wed, 08-06-2008 - 5:48pm

Beth, you know more about this than I do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
In reply to: cl_swt16mentally
Thu, 08-07-2008 - 9:43am

((((((Brenda)))))))


Please forgive my butting in.... I have a couple of suggestions (?) that may help...


One, is there a social worker that you can talk to at the facility he is at now?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
In reply to: cl_swt16mentally
Thu, 08-07-2008 - 10:24am

LOL Leslie....I seem to talk to HP on an hourly basis these days.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
In reply to: cl_swt16mentally
Thu, 08-07-2008 - 4:53pm

((((((BRENDA)))))))))


I like everything that Leslie said. Yes, nursing home doctors suck. Oops, did I really write that! Geri's decided she didn't need her lupus meds. Hmmm. Anyway, your idea to get and stay there is excellent.


Your best connection to your Dad's care right now are his nurses at the nursing home. I am glad they told you when the rounds are.


It sounds like you know where this is headed.



iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
In reply to: cl_swt16mentally
Thu, 08-07-2008 - 5:43pm
Beth, I have known from the get-go back in January where this would end.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
In reply to: cl_swt16mentally
Thu, 08-07-2008 - 6:58pm

What were your father's wishes? His dignity is in your hands.


Are his kidney's shutting down, or is his edema caused by other issues? As you know, there are differences between palliative and hospice care


Palliative care (pronounced pal-lee-uh-tiv) specializes in the relief of the pain, symptoms and stress of serious illness. The goal is to improve quality of life for patients and their families. Palliative care is appropriate at any point in an illness. And it can be provided at the same time as treatment that is meant to cure you.Palliative care aims to relieve symptoms such as pain, shortness of breath, fatigue, constipation, nausea, loss of appetite and difficulty sleeping. It helps patients gain the strength to carry on with daily life. It improves their ability to tolerate medical treatments. And it helps them better understand their choices for care. Overall, palliative care offers patients the best possible quality of life during their illness.


Both patients and their families benefit from palliative care. Patient comfort is a top priority. So is support for the family. The team helps guide patients and family make medical decisions, choose among treatment options and get reliable information and communication.
-->Palliative care benefits both patients and their families. Patient comfort is a main goal. So is support for the family. The team helps patients and family make medical decisions and choose treatments. It also makes sure they get reliable information.


Hospice care always provides palliative care. However, it is focused on terminally ill patients-people who no longer seek treatments to cure them and who are expected to live for about six months or less.


http://www.getpalliativecare.org/whatis


Does your father have a living will? A DNR? That would help. How did he feel about the dementia his mother lived through?


Geri had a living will, but not a DNR. As her health care proxies, C, M and I had to decide what she meant in her living will, based on conversations she had had with all of us. The sticky point for us was the stipulation that nothing go against the teachings of the Catholic Church. Well, that and the fact that C was 800 miles away.


Anyway, we made sure that we all agreed before we terminated the ventilator. It was still the most difficult decision of my life.


And the most spiritual.



iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
In reply to: cl_swt16mentally
Thu, 08-07-2008 - 7:34pm

Beth...we do have a DNR.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
In reply to: cl_swt16mentally
Thu, 08-07-2008 - 9:33pm

You are, therefore, well versed with what his needs are, and what your desires are for him. You can really do no more than what you are doing. It is not an easy route, especially since with the high degree of powerlessness. DRs are notoriously uncommunicative for nursing home patients. The only 'good' news about that is that, in the case of your father, the decision for palliative v hospice care is not tremendously different. He will be cared for nearly the same way for a lot of the time he has left. The big difference with the hospice care is that the people are more apt to be frank with you. Again, it depends on the relationship you have with the nursing staff. The nurses at Mom's nursing home became like family. They gave suggestions and were very helpful.


Please know that my heart and prayers are with you.


Many hugs


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
In reply to: cl_swt16mentally
Fri, 08-08-2008 - 8:29am

Brenda, it should not have to be so hard to get help for your dear father... but unfortunately that is an all-too-common occurrence these days.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
In reply to: cl_swt16mentally
Fri, 08-08-2008 - 1:31pm
OK Leslie......I am waiting at the front door for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
In reply to: cl_swt16mentally
Sat, 08-09-2008 - 4:23pm

I will be right there with you!