needing to vent

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2008
needing to vent
Thu, 05-06-2010 - 2:36pm

i've been with my bf for 6 years he

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Sat, 05-08-2010 - 7:20am

Hello and welcome. I have tried to post twice to you and my computer decided that it wasn't going to let that happen.
Alcohol is a 'great' mood changer. I am a recovering alcoholic, and when I drank I was nasty, mean, got into physical fights....It was not good.
The other thing that happened when I drank is my drinking got worse. I had to stop drinking altogether. I was not a person who could moderate. When I got sober (I went to AA) I was able to be the person I was meant to be.
I know people who still live with active alcoholics. Most of them attend AA, a 12 step group for friends and families of alcoholics. That might be a good place to start!

Sorry I didn't/couldn't post sooner.


Alcohol. Substances, and Recovery

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2002
Sun, 05-09-2010 - 5:14pm

I was with a verbally abusive alcoholic like this for 4 years, and I can tell you it was no walk in the park. The constant crazy making behavior was almost unbearable. When my bf was sober, he was great, when he was drunk.........well, you're living it. And just like your bf, my bf couldn't stop at just one drink, he drank until he passed out or ran out of booze, and it was much better when he just passed out because the more he drank, the more aggressive he got.

Like you, I had my own home and when he was there, it was like we were prisoners. His mood swings were no different from Dr. Jekyl/Mr. Hyde, and I was continually being called every name in the book, accused of every sin there ever was, and he never held back anything.

Now, I have 3 kids from a previous marriage and my ex H and I don't drink and it wasn't fair for me to raise my kids in an alcoholic atmosphere, so I finally got up the strength to kick him out of my home, but trust me, it was the hardest thing I ever did.

I know how hard it is to love someone yet hate what they do, but when your SO is abusing you in ANY way, I never recommend staying. I heard all the same empty promises you heard, and they are exactly that, empty. When someone is truly sorry for hurting you, they take steps to avoid doing that, but when you're dealing with an alcoholic, sorry only lasts as long as the next time, and the next time, and the next time.

It's time to break the cycle. Alcoholics quit drinking when they're sick and tired of being sick and tired.........the same goes for those of us who love them. I can tell you right now that you can live a healthy, happy life without all this noise. There are plenty of men out there who don't have this problem and will treat you far better than this.

This man has no plans to stop drinking, and that's not YOUR problem. It's time to live your life for you, and trust me, you will be fine without him..........I think you already know that.

Take care and God bless.


"OMG, I got engaged, the world will never be the same!...."


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 9:42am

I am not sure how to live with a drunk and be happy, I think that would be very hard and in some ways be a lot like living a single life. I think the bigger problem is that you can't live with someone who verbally abuses you and be happy. Abuse is a happiness killer.

It is hard to let go of people we are attached to and love, and give up on hope when we see potential in someone else. But if the other person can't see their own potential, then there is little we can do to help them, and then we are left with deciding how to best live our own lives. With the addicted person or without, with the abuse or without.

Say not, 'I have found the truth,' but rather, 'I have found a truth.' -Kahlil Gibran


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"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
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