Update on dd and friend
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| Sat, 11-19-2005 - 8:57am |
Thank you to everyone who posted about my dd going to the principal about her friend who was cutting. I especially appreciated all the support and kind words praising my dd's actions. I thought you might like to know what has happened since.
At first S was very angry. She hung up on dd when she tried to call her and put up several "away" messages about never forgiving her. Dd and I talked and she said if she had to do it all over again, she would have talked to S first and then come to me and not gone to the principal, but she still would have done something. S was very worried about her situation being talked about at school - it is a very small all girls school and news spreads like wildfire. Dd and the other girl involved kept their mouths shut and, after S realized this, she has softened considerably. She wrote dd a four page letter - dd destoryed it (upon S's request) so I didn't get to see it but the gist of it was that she'd need time.
Later that day she called and dd had a very puzzled look on her face, said "ok, I understand" and then they said goodbye and hung up. Dd said "S said her dad said you called him today and you were upset that S wasn't talking to me." I was completely SHOCKED because I most certainly did not do this. I would never put pressure on a kid in that situation to "be nice". Fortunately dd believed me. Later in the week, I had a chance to talk to dad and asked him about it. HIs reply? "Oh, I was just trying to nail her for her behavoir toward your daughter." I let him know I didn't appreciate his actions, however good his intentions might be. We're fine with it, but it gave me a bit of insight into their expectations of her.
S claims the cutting was a one time thing and that it is over. She has refused counseling and the parents are looking into this situation and watching her carefully. My concern is that she is still depressed, but there's not much I can do at this point.
She told dd the other day that she understood a bit more about why dd was so concerned and they have both agreed to keep the friendship on track. I am very impressed with S's ability to sort through all of this (although I am NOT thrilled that she thinks I interferred).
Dd told me while in the midst of this that she cared more about S's well being than she cared about their friendship. Wow. Beleive me, I'm still concerned about S but I am pretty sure she won't resort to cutting and I hope and pray that she will find a way to deal with the pressures that brought her to that point to begin with.
