ugly myspace trouble

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2005
ugly myspace trouble
14
Wed, 11-23-2005 - 2:01pm

I'm going to tread lightly here, out of respect for the people involve, even though we're all anonymous. I heard yesterday that some of my dd's classmates have, shall we say, extremely compromising pictures on their "myspace" profiles. Rumors are rampant as to how they got there, and I have also heard that the school principle found out, and the parents have been informed. Again, out of respect I have not looked for the pictures to verify.

I feel nothing but pity for these poor children. The entire school is buzzing with this news. I'm absolutely positive that these poor kids made a really stupid mistake without any thought to the consequences, and as it turns out, the consequences were pretty bad. I also feel for the poor parents. I know some of them...their kid was star of the school play, involved in sports, and they're very involved with their kids' lives.

It just seems so scary to me that kids, since they have so little experience, and are gaining independence, are bound to make mistakes from time to time. It's just such a shame that some of these mistakes are so unforgiving, and they have to learn such a hard lesson.

My dd doesn't know that I know. Her reaction to the news was what I considered appropriate, & she doesn't need any help from me learning from the mistakes of her classmates.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
Thu, 11-24-2005 - 10:07am

Like anything, myspace can be used for good or bad. Unfortunately, what some of these kids don't realize is how public myspace mistakes can be.

Some girls at dds school posted some things about drugs and alcohol. The principal made an announcment at the first pto meeting (not naming the girls, of course) asking parents to check to see if their daughters had a myspace and to be certain to discuss content with them. That was fine. She later called some girls down to the office to discuss their myspace(s) and made an overhead announcement to the school that she - and other members of administration - would be checking myspace. I think this was going too far. Parents need to be checking this out, but she lost respect from many of the kids over this. They feel the principal should not be involved in things that are done outside of school, and I must say I agree.

We allowed dd to get a myspace this week. It is set to private and she has a litany of rules she must follow.

We monitor her internet activity very closely, so we would know if she set up another account under a different name.

It sure is scary out there....
jt

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2005
Fri, 11-25-2005 - 7:17pm

I would have to agree that while it's great that the principle made parents aware of the sight, she should not take it upon herself to act as police. It's all such a balance.

My daughter told me about all this yesterday in conversation. she says she feels bad for her friend, but at the same time, she can't believe her friend used such bad judgement. I hope my dd will continue to be understanding, as next time it might be her who makes a bad decision...hopefully not to this extent though.

yes it is scary out there. I keep talking to my dd and hoping that the good decisions outweigh the bad ones!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Fri, 11-25-2005 - 7:30pm

I live north of Toronto and an incident that has gotten huge news coverage here has been an ugly incident of sexual assault and violent bullying in a high school in a neighbourhood I once lived in.

A 16 yo girl went to police about sexual assault incidents that go through about 14 mos as well as harassment by a large group of people. The entire thing saw 16 young teenagers taken into police custody AT THE SCHOOL in front of everyone. They are all under house arrest and cannot return to school. The victim is known to the student body and cannot return to school due to the divisive feelings of the school population.

So whatever these kids did and even if most of them did nothing but associate with the true perpetrators they are now permanently branded as one of those kids mixed up in this sexual assault case.

What I'm trying to illustrate with this is that problems at school can quickly spiral out of control and involve many many people. In this case it was a violent set of circumstances but it could easily have been something like this internet case and depending on the nature of the photos might have led to more serious trouble.

That's why it is SOOOO important for us to constantly monitor what our kids are up to and what their friends are doing because sometimes guilt can be by association as well...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2005
Fri, 11-25-2005 - 9:09pm
To the extent which we are able to truly monitor our kids, I agree. However, kids aren't stupid (usually), and they can get around us, i.e., going on the internet at a friends' house. Sometimes I feel like it's a constant chess game...a match of wits. I really feel for these kids when they get caught in a stupid mistake, they're so young, and they seem to have so little idea about consequences. Sometimes they learn very harsh lessons.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2005
Sat, 11-26-2005 - 9:40am

I have a 15 yr old DD. After reading this post, I checked, and yep, she's on "myspace"... I can't check her profile thou. It's blocked unless she considers you a *friend*. Anyone out there know how I might get around this? I've had serious problems with her and her lack of knowledge of the internet before, I'd really like to see her profile w/o her knowing. Anyone?
I have to add, she hasn't visited the site in over a month...but I still want to know what she's put there.

Thanks,
Sandy

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2005
Sat, 11-26-2005 - 9:49am
If you purchase one of the computer monitoring software programs you will be able to monitor every keystroke, including passwords. I balance my use of this "spying" technique with my dd's privacy, but I think it's a great back-up if you suspect trouble. Be careful though, you may very well learn more than you want to know!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2005
Sat, 11-26-2005 - 1:26pm

Thanks! Think I'll be putting "computer monitoring software programs" on my Christmas list.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2005
Sat, 11-26-2005 - 3:08pm
i hope you called the principal and told her to mind her own business. what the kids do outside of school doesn't fall under her jurisdiction. to many teachers and administrators seem to like to play the role of parent.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2004
Tue, 11-29-2005 - 1:41pm
I know that my daughter is on the my space alot she shows me alot of what the kids put on there and most of the stuff is shocking most of it also a lie they are just doing it for the reaction. I personal don't like the myspace but my daughter loves it . I just make sure that I keep tabs on what she is putting on and what she is looking at on there.
Natalie
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2004
Tue, 11-29-2005 - 3:07pm
the mySpace accounts are registered under the e mail addresses, they sign in with the e mail address and a password. If you know your daughter's e mail address you can request the password to be sent to it, as though you forgot the password, and then retrieve it from the email. Then you would be able to sign onto her account as though you were her. I would caution though that it will show that someone was on as the date last on will update although I do have to say sometimes that does not work right. If she has not been on in a month I would say she is not using it much. My daughter and son both have one and they use it to mainly keep in touch with people. Actually my daughter uses hers to stay in touch with a really good friend who moved to Europe and she likes to send messages through that rather than e mail because it tells you when the message has been read, so she can be sure he got the e mail.

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