Christmas present buying
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 11-23-2005 - 2:05pm |
My son is 17 and daughter 12 - both hate each other of course. Anyway, over the years at Christmas time I have never really encouraged the two of them to buy for each other, mostly just bought something little for each myself and put their names on it from each other. My son is very very selfish and over the years as not shown any interest in buying presents for anyone, even me and my husband. My daughter is the total opposite and has always been willing to do chores to earn money to buy presents for us and her friends.
We are getting a provincial government rebate (I live in Canada) of $400 each in January. My daughter has asked for an advance on hers of $100 to buy xmas presents (she even said she'll get one for her brother this year!) which I have agreed to - the rest will be put into an account. My son is saving for a car and is putting his towards that. I mentioned to him that using some of it, even just $50, for xmas gifts (doesnt have to be expensive) might be a nice idea since he's never bought for any of us before. He looked at me like I was nuts.
Now, my question is do I not worry about him buy gifts for anyone this year and let it go as I've done in the past or do I push this issue a little further? I just find his whole "all about me" attitude very disturbing especially when he has the money now to do something about it. He always expects gifts from us but never wants to give anything himself. Do I tell my daugther not to buy him something since he wont buy for her?
Thanks in advance.

Wow, this is a tough one. My 3 kids all contribute to gifts for each & for us. Normally my DD is the one who buys them as she is the oldest but this year, we noticed that the boys were either buying the card or wrapping the gift. I was just thinking that they were selfish for expecting me to buy their grandparents gifts from them.
My first reaction would be to tell SD that you weren't going to buy him gifts if he didn't feel he should buy you a gift. But I don't know if I could be that mean. I think I would tell him how you feel about his being selfish and that you are going to reduce your gift giving to him as you are going to use some of the money you would have spent on him to buy gifts for you, DH and his sister from him.
Good luck, I love Xmas but the whole gift exchange can ruin it. My DH's family has made it a chore to give gifts. So one year our older kids (16 & 18) decided that they didn't want us to spend the money on gifts for them. They said they didn't want anything (they had it all,lol) but that we had to make it special for DS (12). It was a nice idea & we all went on a trip in Dec. I still brought them gifts as I couldn't help myself but they also had gifts for us. They were homemade which made them even more special.
Dee
I would strongly encourage him to buy a gift for his sister. You'll be doing his future wife a favor!
My thought is that your son is 17 - it's time that he went out and did his own Christmas shopping.
This is just an idea: What if you ask your son if he plans on giving his family gifts this year. Let him say "No". Then ask him if he is expecting gifts from his family. When he says yes, meet him with silence. Let his answer hang in the air. Then ask him if he thinks this is an appropriate way to be. You can also ask him if you can share his answers with the rest of the family. Perhaps even let him know that his attitude is not okay with you, ask him if his stinginess is okay with him, and if so, WHY?? Maybe he's not being selfish, he just feels he needs every penny for his car?
Do whatever you think will work...you know your son. But it may give him a glimpse of himself.
"You'll be doing his future wife a favor!"
If there's any way you can foster generosity, of course it's a plus.
Good luck!!
He might surprise you if you put it in his lap BUT I wouldnt hand it over all at once. Have you been purchasing without him there and footing the bill?
It is a big step to suddenly expect him to do both, rebate or not
I would find a middle ground this year-go with him to shop for sis and say he will be springing for half, perhaps. Something alone those lines
I have been very impressed with my oldest who moved out Dec '04. He has acknowledged every birthday and fathers/mothers day with at least a card. His gifts have been VERY well chosen
The fact that he has a GF who keeps him on track certainly has helped but she doesnt know us well enough to be making the actual choices so its partly him(and I never would have guessed...)
So, give him a little help this year and let him flounder next year
I agree with the one that suggested asking him a few very simple questions about whether or not he expects to receive gifts or not. Then I would very simply tell him that he is going to go with me shopping for Christmas gifts for his immediate family. Make a list of two or three items per person so that he has something to choose from. Try to make the trip short and sweet (maybe when he's done, take him for ice cream or something). I would try to keep the gifts inexpensive so that it won't hurt his car fund too much but I think he should have to pay for the gifts.
Good Luck!