FWB?
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| Wed, 11-30-2005 - 7:44am |
Anyone else dealing with "friend with benefits"? DD has a friend, a boy, who's been her friend for a couple of years. She sorta has a crush, but is not sure if he does. So, this year they decided to be FWB. I've asked her what this means and she says they're good friends, they really like to talk to each other, and they make-out. But he's not her boyfriend, and there's a whole drama about whether he'll "ask her out" or if she should ask him out. To me someone who you like to spend time with, IM for hours with, talk on the phone (giggling) for more than a half hour, and like to kiss - this sounds like a boyfriend.
She just rolls her eyes at me.
I guess I had friends in HS who I occaisionally kissed who never became "boyfriend", but this seems to be more than just that - and now actually has a title. What the benefit (no pun intended) of being FWB and not BF/GF?
Sue

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Ok, I have 'issues' with some of the things that I feel boys 'pull' on girls----now mind you, I'm a mom of boys only, so I hope my opinion isn't skewed. The 'friends w/ benefits' scenario seems to be all good for the guy----a good buddy, a confidante, sexual favors (in some cases) but NO STRINGS...........HELLLLLOOOOOOOOOOO..........how good is that? Wouldn't YOU like that situation sometimes? Just to be able to BAIL at the emotional crap life throws your way? Get everything YOU want without any effort or emotional ties? Woo Hoo!! What a gig! but we ALL know that we girls get tied up emotionally, even if we THINK we won't. It hurts the girl, and benefits the boy.
I'd advise your daughter that she ought to CUT THE BENEFITS OFF. I mean it's great to have a boy 'best friend' but KEEP IT AT THAT. If he wants the benefits then he has to pay the 'boyfriend' price. End of story. Boys shouldn't get to bail on life and life's decisions just because they 'can'. Girls need to WAKE UP and understand that they are valuable, and needed-----this whole thing about FWB and oral sex given by girls being not 'really' sex---and nothing is reciprocated (not that I'd advocate that, but for the sake of conversation here..........) just seems ALL GOOD for the boy and all trouble for the girl--emotional trouble that is.
How is it that boys get on the top of the heap in this arena? Their 'needs' are not any more important than a girls. When did girls all of a sudden 'cave' and give in to the boys? Is it TRULY a mutual thing, or is the girl really, secretly HOPING that she'll ultimately snag the boy? Sounds like a pretty grown up game for teens....
Good luck to your DD. I hope she doesn't end up getting hurt over the boy possibly not returning her affections..................
Shels
Sue, sorry--I just re-read your post--I somehow got that your DD was talking about a friend..........I didn't mean to get the facts wrong..........sorry for my mistake.....I corrected my post.........
Edited 11/30/2005 9:04 am ET by shels2003
I think it's just semantics. Since they are doing all the traditional bf/gf things, how are they not -as you asked - boyfriend and girlfriend? The only difference is "FWB" sounds more dramatic, so that's what it's called.
I would be concerned, though, if she had more than one of these so-called FWBs. I would also be concerned about how she defines "making out" and keep an eye on this "friendship".
Where did this FWB concept come from anyway? There is even a board on Ivillage on this topic. I visited it one slow day and found it to be rather sad. Most of the posts (these are people supposedly are adults) were along the lines of "FWB or MORE?", so it's really the same thing.
jt
My middle son loves this trend!
Girls want to be like the guys but I think most of us just arent built that way. I suspect most girls, like your dd, are looking for it to turn into something else and the guy is just going for the physical aspect
My son has never had a GF; relatives really questionned him at Thanksgiving and his standard response is "girls are too much trouble". Yet, I know he has had plenty of benefits and am 99.9% sure that includes blow jobs and intercourse.
I don't approve and, on another note, it disturbs me that he is missing out on the whole high school relationship thing! My oldest was too shy but that's not the case with this one-he could easily have a GF or multiple GFs of the 'dating' variety but he has no reason to bother.
Next week is winter formal and he plans to go with the guys-hes a senior-there should be more than this, KWIM???
Boys tend to less mature emotionally anyway and I think this is just giving them more reason to be
I HATE IT
Apparently there is a process that absolutely must be followed - they may go on a date, then they "talk" (which means they talk on the phone, IM, etc but no making out) and then someone must ask the other to "go out". They are allowed to do these first two in reverse order. They are not a b/f or g/f until the actual asking is done. I personally find the whole thing a little silly but unless someone actually asks the other to go out & there is making out involved then they are FWB.
FWB may date others and they may "talk to" others but it is extremely rude to make out with others without at least telling the other partner in the FWB that you are making out with someone else and then its okay.
Yikes! Is this what really goes on in high school these days? I didn't think I am living under a rock but maybe I am. This FWB thing is one I haven't I've heard of and I must say, I'm not crazy about the idea. It seems like a quick and easy way for these boys to get the milk without having to buy the cow. (My mom's expression for a hundred years ago.)
I don't think its anymore common than it used to be - they just have a term for it now that they didn't have when I was in school.
I also don't think its just the guys that are benefiting from this. DD knows some girls that really enjoy this. They don't want to be tied down to a boyfriend and be expected to be with him every single Fri and Sat night. They want to be able to "talk to" and flirt with other guys with no commitments. I agree that most girls end up getting hurt in the FWB arrangment but I think there are some that seem to enjoy it.
Huh! I was pretty shy in high school so just probably wasn't aware that this went on. If people were kissing, I always assumed they were a couple.
I can see how girls would enjoy this arrangment too, but I KNOW I wouldn't have handled it very well. I guess that's where I'm coming from.
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