Age difference? does it matter

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2005
Age difference? does it matter
3
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 2:04am
Greetings! I have a quick question tonight! My freshman daughter has been asked to the Senior Semi-Formal next Friday. I have not said "yes" yet...based solely on the age difference! Am I being too old fashioned...I mean back in my day...this just was not done! Am I being too paranoid...a senior boy...asking a freshman???? She says they are just going as friends but frankly I have not really heard her even talk about this boy before. She hasn't really dated yet. Gaaaaaa! Help! BTW she's a great kid...gymnast...excellent student and has not given me any reason to distrust her.
Nina
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 6:37am

I would also have mixed feelings about this, and interestingly my 14yoDD says "it's probably not a good idea". But IMHO it's probably innocent - someone she's somewhat friendly with who doesn't have a date. When I was in HS, my girlfriend who was a Junior asked my brother, who was a Freshman, to her prom. She didn't have anyone she was *dying* to go with in her grade, and if she had asked someone it would have felt more 'date-ish'. Asking a friend meant they both had fun, without the pressure of a big date.

I think you should let your daughter go, but set some boundaries. And talk to her about your concerns -she won't know anyone, he might leave her out of conversations with her friends, and (the hard one) he might expect more physically at the end of the evening than she does.

HTH

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 7:35am
Have you previously discussed when your daughter can start dating? With all 3 of our kids, they knew from grade school that there would be no dating until age 16. It saved us from a lot of whining and argueing when they hit their teens. Also, based on the myriad stories we heard about their friends and acquaintances who started dating young, we are convinced that our two oldest avoided some serious problems by postponing dating.
If your daughter is a freshman, I'm guessing she is 14 or 15 years old. Just my opinion, but she is too young to date, and she is WAY too young to be dating an 18 year-old man/boy.
By the way, the fact that your girl is a great student and athlete doesn't protect her from getting caught up in the moment with an older boy. So many girls this age are so awed and impressed with older boys that their good judgement goes out the window. Keep in mind that your daughter is still a child.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 10:26am

I'm usually inclined to say "yes, but..." in as many situations as I can. I don't think the age difference is a huge factor when it comes to a school dance, and I don't really consider attending a school dance as "dating". I would probably say to my dd "You can attend the dance with your friend, but you're too young and there is too much of an age difference for any dating outside of a school event." I would also insist on driving them. This puts the decision back in her lap.

This whole dating thing is complicated, isn't it?

jt