Ideas??

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Ideas??
4
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 6:39pm

In July my DD N who is now 14 1/2 started an online friendship with a boy who is now 17.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
In reply to: bunnierose
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 8:14pm
Wow Rose!
You sure get into some unique situations.. :-)
I think at this point, it may be difficult and awkward to deny this visit.
Of course you know your DD best. Even though she appears to have both feet on the ground when it comes to boys, at 14 it would be easy to get swept up in the potential romance of a much older college bound kid. Especially an on-line "soul-mate." It may tend to earn major cool points with her peers. A lot depends on her maturity level.
Yet you seem to have an solid, open relationship with her. If the communication is kept open and she knows romance and dating is inappropriate and off limits, a well supervised visit may be ok. I would be concerned if they were making childish "plans" for the future which kept her from experiencing normal high school life. He seems to have no qualms talking to you. Major plus. I'd let him know you think it's great DD has a nice freind like him, blah.etc.blah.. and express yourr concerns and see if he is responsible enough to agree DD is not romance material. Hopefully this college is not close by.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2004
In reply to: bunnierose
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 8:23pm

This is a really intresting question. I've had online friends before, close ones at that, and it's always an experience. None that I've met before, but ones that i've been very close to.

If your gut is telling you know, and you're not comfortable with it, tell him that. I can see reasons why it might get awkward. They've seen each other before, as you said they talked on webcam, so that's not a problem. It could be strange if he decides to go to that college, and then comes for weekend visits to see you guys. That could be wicked cool, or just...strange. That's just the first thing I thought of anyways. Also, once she meets him, she might want to see him again. She'd miss being with him physically if they experienced that, and maybe expect that type of relationship "later" Would you be able to see him any other time? hmm.

But really, I can't think of any major issues that could arise. I'm sure you'd meet him in a public place and not let N be alone with him and all the obvious precautions. If I was in N's position i would be estatic at the chance.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
In reply to: bunnierose
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 9:24pm
I have to say go with your gut. You know this is not a lifelong commitment due to their ages. The next guy she meets on the net may not be a safe person and she may get in over her head. I wouldn't promote this relationship any further than chatting online. There are internet safety boundaries that shouldn't be crossed, especially for teens. I know you don't want to disappoint the kids, but you are still the parent, and your intuition is trained to keep your kids out of trouble. Just my 2 cents, but I wouldn't allow it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
In reply to: bunnierose
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 9:24pm
This IS a tough one. Daddioe and payassa both have made some very good points. The thing I keep coming back to is that you said you have a gut feeling that you shouldn't say yes. Gut feelings carry a lot of weight with me (no pun intended). Think about this one for a good while before you respond. If I have any burts of brilliance, I'll post again...
jt