My son just will not call me back!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
My son just will not call me back!!
4
Sun, 12-11-2005 - 9:18pm

I'm trying to keep my emotions out of this, but it's not working too well. My 15 year old is in full-fledged mode of being embarrassed by me wanting his independence, has no desire to "hang out" with me these days. :-(

His dad and I have been divorced for several years and we've both remarried. He's living with his dad more than he lives with me (we're only 5 minutes apart) because his Dad really treats him like an adult and I "baby" him. Of course, that's his perception, but his dad woo'd him over to his house so that he could stop paying child support by buying him everything he wants and unfortunately, treating him more like his pal than his son.

Anyway, I digress.... my son was given a cell phone the day he said he'd move over there. And yes, his dad told him for weeks ahead of time that he'd get him one if he made this decision. I have to go about a week and half of not seeing my son (unless there are sports games, etc. in between to attend) and I miss my son terribly. I only call like every 3rd day, leave a message saying I was thinking about him and wanted to let him know that. I also end with asking him to give me a call before the day is thru. He doesn't! I have asked him repeatedly if there is something wrong, is he mad at me, etc. He constantly says he is not, he is just busy. Yet, he is on the phone with his dad every day that he stays with me.

I know he's at the age where he's going to feel more comfortable sharing more with his Dad than with me, I'm not threatened at all. I am torn between feeling like I need to TEACH him to return phone calls to people in general, not just me. But my DH told me that my son told him that he's tired of me constantly asking him why he doesn't ever call me. So I feel stuck! I feel like I can't keep bringing this up, but my feelings are truly hurt too. AND I feel negligent if I let this slide and keep smiling because NO ONE is teaching him manners.

Help! Are your teenage boys like this too? Is this normal?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Mon, 12-12-2005 - 8:39am
I don't have any BTDT advice but just offering you cyber-hugs.
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Mon, 12-12-2005 - 2:03pm
i am going through almost the same thing you are. but my 14 yr old daughter still lives with me, now that her father is around (on his terms) that is all my daughter is concerned with. concerned only about her father,wife and their son. when she spends the weekend and i call there my daughter is so distant. like its an inconvenience to be on the phone with me. its like she is someone else. im sure the circumstances are different but one this is the same our children are leaving us out of their lives. i wish i had some good advice for you, i wish i had some for myself also. i miss my daughter. just wanted to let you know your not alone, talking about it make me feel so much better. good luck. rhonda
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2004
Mon, 12-12-2005 - 5:58pm

Might his dad be giving him grief over talking to you? Not letting, or strongly discouraging him to call you back?

Just sounds like that might have something to do with it.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Mon, 12-12-2005 - 7:10pm

I think boys in general are less "communicative" and "demonstrative" in a way that women appreciate. (you know -- the whole Mars vs Venus thing). And he may not have that need to relate to you in that way right now at this point in his life. Were you ever really close with him? Did you share interests before he went off to live with his Dad? What was your relationship beforehand?

All I can say is that I see the same thing with my dd and her dad. She was always "daddy's little girl" practically stuck to his hip. But then in this last year she just migrated away from him and towards me. It's not that she doesn't love her father -- she adores him. But right now she feels more comfortable with me and that's a natural part of being a 14 yo. Sometimes it bugs him and he will tease her about "not loving him anymore" but she insists that isn't the case.

Maybe when you do have time together try to add as much value to his life as you can. Don't just have him over and feed him but try to do stuff together. I know that's hard for a mother and son because they would rather be caught dead than be seen at a movie with mom but maybe take him shopping or to a sporting event or offer to have his friends over for pizza/cards/movies. You may have to take a back seat for a while to his social life and his dad for a while. But the thing men/boys hate the most is that sort of emotional neediness that says "I miss you; please call me". They don't understand it and it annoys them.

I don't know if I helped but maybe I gave you some ideas???