teen daughter at boyfriends house
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teen daughter at boyfriends house
| Tue, 12-20-2005 - 12:58am |
my 19 year old dd has a very sweet (I think) boyfriend and whenever she goes to his house his mom sprays both of them with frebreze because we smoke (Know we should not) she says they stink, my dd finds this very embarassing and humiliating. I think this is very rude of his mom, (I do know a non smoker would not like the smell) I dont't want my dd to feel ashamed of her parents but I think she does whenever she goes over there. Anyone have an opinion on this? Is it me or is this very rude. Thanks in advance

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I'll be honest, if my child came home with the odor of cigarette smoke on them, I'd be upset too. It isn't a reflection of how I may feel about the INDIVIDUAL that smokes, but smoking to me is just the worst(and I even went thru a spell in late high school/college where i 'smoked') and the odors it leaves are terribly offensive to me. No if's and's or but's about it. I even am bothered in a restaurant that has non-smoking sections and smoking sections---there's no way to escape the lingering odor!
With that said, I would't go around spraying the kids w/ febreeze, but I certainly would try to come up with a workable solution..........if the 'smoky' kids hang out on furniture or carpet, those smoke odors can remain in those thick fabrics, and then EVERYONE that is a non smoker or allergic must deal with it.......
My dearest friend of all time smokes. She does not smoke in her own home, and never has. She has never smoked in MY home (even tho when we were in our 20's I crazily told her she could----she told me she'd prefer not to---a decision I am grateful for) Maybe you and your husband could make it a policy to sit on your deck to smoke, or go for a walk together and smoke.........I would not judge you as a person, but unfortunately, your choices do affect others, and it can be a negative affect. My girlfriend lives in a huge city, in a 4th fl apt with no elevator, and they STILL go outside their building to smoke. I find that incredibly unselfish and thoughtful.
Please PLEASE don't take this as something personal against you as a person. It truly isn't. I agree that the mother of your daughter's boyfriend may be taking things a bit far, but I can't say I'd want kids lounging around on my furniture and on my carpet leaving behind a smoke odor in my smoke free home......it probably isn't rudness so much as her way of trying to combat what SHE feels is a problem for her.................just like you feel like it is a problem for your DD--it is embarassing for her, I'm sure, to be singled out that way.
By the way, in high school I had a friend that worked at Wendy's......she constantly reeked of onions, and grease............looking back, I probably would feel the same way about THOSE types of odors as well...........they can be offensive too!
Good luck, and I hope I didn't offend YOU.........that was not my intent at all.
I'll end with one more side note. I am a pet owner. 2 dogs and 1 cat. I realize my home may have pet odors that bother people.........It makes me feel bad to see someone react allergically to my cat, or if my dogs are smelly----so I deal with in home odors too----and I also know they can be difficult to remove. To some, pets and the odors they bring are just as offensive as things like smoking or heavy cooking odors.........I keep lint rollers handy to help out of folks leave with some unwanted hair from my furniture, etc......and of course we don't usually smell our own 'smells'. Maybe take a look at what it would feel like if your daughter came home regularly covered in pet hair that YOU are allergic to............you'd probably have a problem with that too! Just giving the 'odor' issue a different perspective.
Good luck, and I hope you and the other parent can maybe work out a solution that is doable for both of you!!
Shels
Ok. I quit smoking in the fifth grade (really). I am 50. I hate smoking and I hate the smell of smoke, but I love my dd and her friends much more than I hate smoke. This may be a moot point as dd is a singer and will probably never smoke and none of her friends or their parents do to my knowledge - however -I would no more "febreeze" a houseguest than I would answer the door naked.
This just sounds so completely bizarre, I wonder if she has some sort of obsessive / compulsive disorder. While I can appreciate some people's aversion to the smell of cigarettes (myself included), this behavior is so over the top rude it's beyond words.
Spraying a houseguest because they stink?
I hate to say it, but if this relationship is serious you are in for some mighty interesting in-law stories.
So as not to completely alienate her potential future mother in law, perhaps DD can tell this psycho that she's alergic to fabreeze, and would appreciate not getting sprayed. Or she can feign getting it into her eyes and make a scene.
If it were any other circumstance, I'd bring a can of compressed ozone and when she whips out the fabreeze, DD can whip out the ozone. Then they both can blast away and complain that the other one stinks... :-)
I would have to come down on the side of horredous rudeness on the part of the b/f mom!
Thanks for your reply,
I am not going to defend myself regarding smoking because that is my business what I do in my home. I have a few infant and toddler relatives and when they are at my home I do not smoke, I never smoked when my own kids were little either, but now they are almost grown and hardly ever home so I have a few cigarettes in my home. I know not everyone likes the odor of cigarettes but you cannot control everything in other peoples homes, for example my dd has very bad allergies to cats, dogs, and musty odors and almost everyone she knows has one or more in their homes and there is nothing we can do about it nor would I ever tell them about it, they are aware of the allergies but what can they really do about it. They only thing a person can do is to never go to these homes and I say what a way to live, you would end up never going anywhere, how realistic is that!! When I visit my non smoking friends I do not smoke in their homes, at least I can respect that but when it comes to other offensive smells and allergies there is nothing they can do. I am respectful of other people regarding my smoking, and when I have grandchildren I would not smoke around them either,as far as any future in laws it is none of their business what I do in my home, I would tell them how to live their lives. If their was something offensive at their home that would be my daughter and son in laws to deal with.
Sorry for the vent,
I think dd boyfriends mother is a control freak, thats what the rudness comes down to. The boyfriend is 20 and still controls his life including when he can and cannot go out, she has no reason to be like this at this point in his life he is responsible,and is in college. At least that I am aware of. It is a constant source of irritation to my dd, I have told her that if they committ to a long term relationship and eventually marry, she had better prepare herself for a meddling mother in law. I have met her three times now and I always feel " dismissed " by her, she will ask you a question and then does not wait for you to fully answer her, as soon as she has the jist of it she throws up her hand and walks away before you are done talking. I find this bizarre and rude.
The bf invited dd for dinner last night and then had to call and say his mom said no, this is not the first time this has happened, I know he should have checked with her first.If he wants to take her out for dinner she tells him eating out is a waste of money and unless his dad interjects they dont go, so what is a guy to do, he is trying to please everyone and is pleasing no one, I feel sorry for him sometimes. I am afraid all she has accomplished is a son who cannot think for himself, she really needs to cut the apron strings and let him get on with things and making a life for himself. There are many other issues too many to get into these are just a few. Sometimes I feel like telling my dd to move on, but I dont because some things you have to learn on your own, although I think she senses my feeling sometimes, and also I do think he is a sweet decent fella most of the time
It does sound like b/fs mom has some control issues... and will probably be a meddling MIL!
Well to me that is very rude but honestly not the wackiest thing I've seen or heard. My husband had a childhood friend who's mom was such an obsessive neat freak that the house was basically shrink-wrapped and tin-foiled and she would even use lint rollers on their clothes when they walked in the door so that they wouldn't leave lint and hair on her couches.
Some people are just nuts that way and it may be offensive to you but frankly I don't think its personal at all. Its just a bit of obsessive compulsiveness.
Although I would like to encourage you to give up smoking. It is bad for your health and the health of your family. It may be the best thing you could do for yourself and the people you love. My father-in-law recently had to remove 2/3 of his lung due to lung cancer -- he had smoked for 50 years. My kids were quite afraid they'd lose their grandpa...
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