Teens & Dating

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2005
Teens & Dating
3
Tue, 12-27-2005 - 10:20am
Hi,
Just wanted to find out what other parents out there do about teens dating. I have a 16 yo DD and a DS that turned 18 about 2 months ago that are dating. For both, this is their first real dating experience. Anyway, I was wanting to find out if any of you limit phone use or how many times a week they see each other or how long. I'm not real strict about it. I am flexible with them seeing each other but my DD thinks I shouldn't limit them at all, but she is busy and her grades aren't that good so she has to have some limits or she wouldn't do anything else. Also, do you have rules on behavior such as making out, etc. My DS makes out in the car in front of my house and sometimes in my house and I have told him how much I don't like it but it's like talking to the wall. Any input would be great.
Thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
In reply to: rue_16
Tue, 12-27-2005 - 11:06am

How often are your kids wanting to go out with their bf/gf?

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2005
In reply to: rue_16
Tue, 12-27-2005 - 12:43pm

My DD is still involved with other activities. As for friends, she does spend time with them but not as much and sometimes I think that if it wasn't for me telling her not to spend too much time with her bf she wouldn't see her friends as much as she does. Normally she goes out with him a few times a week but thinks I am unfair. Over the winter break it has been more. My DS spends more time with his gf. He doesn't really have any activites that he is involved with so I have allowed him to see gf more. As for friends, he has a few friends that he talks to at school but rarely goes out with them. My DD and DS both want to spend sometimes up to 7 to 8 hours on a Saturday, which I think is ridiculous. I try to explain that they are young and don't need to be so attached and that they need their own space, again they think I'm unfair.

The phone is a constant battle. I have allowed my DD to talk around 30 minutes during the week and usually 1 to 2 hours on the weekend which I think is too much since they see each other on weekends. She still thinks I'm unfair. My DS talks more of course. I had set limits in the beginning but now that he is 18 I thought maybe I should be a little easier but still insist on respecting some rules.

I know that they will do what they want when they aren't at my house but making out in front of my house for all the neighbors to see bothers me.

I feel like we are always arguing about how long and how often about everything. It's making me crazy.
Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
In reply to: rue_16
Wed, 12-28-2005 - 12:43am

Hi rue16.

I wish I had the perfect answer to this one, I have two dds 17 and 19. As far as during the week goes there is no friends or boyfriends mon to thurs. We are hard and fast on this one and it seems to be the only one we can enforce. We did not always do this, they were allowed to socialize as long as homework was done, we found out they would lie about it being done or they would say they did not have any. So during the week nothing if there is homework or not no exceptions unless it is something special or important.
Weekends we pretty much let them decide and as far as the phone goes they cannot tie up the house phone for any longer than 20 mins. Older dd has cell phone which she pays for so I dont control that, her bank account does Ha Ha. They both have bf's, my younger dd's boyfriend I have to pretty much kick him out on weekends or he would never go home, older one is not too bad now as she is older and both her and bf have jobs as well as college so they dont have a much free time. As far as the making out goes I would not like it in front of the house either talk to them aobut dignity and respect maybe that will keep it to a minimum or very short. I dont know where younger dd and bf makeout he does not have a car and I have not caught them, I think when they are at his house is probably where they make out because they are allowed to hang in his room but not here, they used to try but dh would kick them to the family room. Older dd19 and her bf20 spend the odd weekend together as he lives out of town for college. I have tried explaining how it is not good to spend so much time with bf's at their age but it is like talking to a brick wall. they dont spend a lot of time with friends either, but I figure they will learn that lesson when the bf's are long gone and they are hard pressed to find a friend still waiting for them. A hard lesson to learn but one they have to learn. I dont know anything for sure, I only know it is an on going battle here too and I wish you luck with yours.
Catriona