Party invites & hurt feelings

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2005
Party invites & hurt feelings
5
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 12:37am
Hi,
Hoping for some input from other parents here...
My daughter, who is an 8th grader, is having her second New Year's party this year. Last year we had almost 50 kids & my husband refused to have that many again. We just don't have that much space. The problem is, we live in a small rural area & a lot of kids know she is having the party & everyone expects to be invited. Even those who aren't really in the group of kids she runs around with.
Neither she nor I wish to hurt anyone's feelings, yet one mother has already called a friend of hers, wanting to know why her son wasn't invited.
Is there a way to avoid hurt feelings or is that just part of the package when your kids have a party? My daughter is really feeling bad & says she wishes she could just cancel the whole thing.
Suggestions?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2005
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 2:50am

a mom called someone to ask why her son wasn't invited??? ok...have your daughter call that kid and tell him that he wasn't invited because he is a momma's boy.

your daughter asked for this drama by letting everyone know she was having the party...no doubt she will not receive an invite when those she's dissed have a party thus insuring the drama last for years. hopefully she will learn a lesson about discretion from this.

if i were you i'd send dad to a hotel and have everyone over.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 6:08am


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2005
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 10:19am
Yes, his mother is rather forward, buy it really was an issue of space, not dislike of him. Her entire class is mostly all nice kids.
As far as bringing the drama on herself, it isn't she who discusses last years party at school. We have always told our kids not to discuss birthdays, etc... when everyone isn't invited. It's a matter of politeness and good manners. However, others who were there talked about it before school let out for Christmas break & she then had people asking about coming who weren't even there the previous year. She has pretty much invited the same crowd with the exception of a couple who have moved or whose inappropriate behavior in the past year has gotten them scratched by myself. (sex, drugs, fighting, etc...)
Invitations were sent by mail, not word of mouth to discourage this very problem. I just wondered how other parents handled the invite process. I know you can't have every single person your kid knows every single time they have a function at home. Maybe we just won't have the party anymore.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2004
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 2:47pm
I think trying to find a bigger place is a good idea. Either you should have just a few kids- obviously you can't do that- or a large group. I have to agree that your dd is going to have consequences from this. Hurting others feelings will probably result in her being hurt later. Maybe you can call the mom & see if she could host it or has other ideas. I agree she shouldn't have butted in but she might be able to solve your dilemma.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 3:55pm

Personally I think its just part of the package. I can't think of how many times my daughter has been left out of parties because parents had to limit numbers of people. Was she bothered by it? Yeah, maybe a little. But after discussing with her that realistically no one has room to invite EVERYONE and they have to limit it she could see the reasoning behind it. Also had to point out there were alot of times she didn't include everyone either.

Frankly I think its extraordinary of you to have this party. There's usually alot of preparation and cost and mess (and noise of course) with any party and its remarkable that you continue to host it. I would just forewarn you that they're in 8th grade now and maybe this year and next the party will stay pretty "tame" but beyond that it could get dicey having a party in your home. Its amazing how kids change over that time and how new problems start to surface like drinking and sexual activity. And yes, it can go on right under your nose w/o your permission! And depending on where you live, you'd be responisible for any harm that might come to one of those kids even if you didn't know it was happening...

This boy's mother should have been reasonable, honestly. Unless your daughter and this kid are really good friends, why should she expect he'd be invited when others are being left out as well?