Well, I did it!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
Well, I did it!!!!!!
5
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 4:38pm

When dd came home from school today, I told her I thought it was best to pull out of the carpool. You should have seen her face! I called both moms and, while it wasn't easy or pleasant, both conversations ended positively. A's mom was stunned - when she asked for specifics, I said "you must have noticed the atmosphere in the car is very tense" She replied "well, I notice they don't talk "as mucn" (!). I said (calmly) "They don't talk to D at all. When she pressed for details, I told her that maybe someday we could discuss it, but not now. C's mom was very upset - not as much for herself as that it happened at all, She kept asking about C specifially and I finally said that the situation simply became bigger than all the girls and I felt this was the only way to resolve it. I like both moms very much and I said to each of them that I felt, as adults, our relationship should not be affected by this. I hope that it is ture.

It looks like C will be taking the bus - and possibly A. That is one of the reasons the bus is not an option for my dd.

Dh isn't thrilled (because of the cost of gas and the fact that he may also be driving...I may be having knee surgery this winter), but he understands.

Dd said her response at school will be "it just wasn't working" and, if pressed, will likely blame her mean mother! That's fine with me.

This is a large impact on my life and my time, but I don't care.

Thanks to everyone who helped me reach this decision. Walking away isn't always the solution, but knowing when to walk away can make all the difference in the world.

jt

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2003
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 7:55pm

Yay! Congratulations -- sounds like you handled it perfectly. I'm sure your DD felt the same relief my did when she realized there was an 'out' to what had become an uncomfortable situation.

Best of luck during your commutes. You'll probably find it's a great time just to talk and chat with your DD, and maybe you can get some books on tape for the times your driving solo!

Thanks for sharing your good news!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 8:26pm
Thanks - your insights and unfortunate experience with the same thing really helped. I did enjoy (and missed) our commuting time. We did tons of books on tape in the 6th grade but we got satellite (sp?) radio for Christmas so there's no chance now. Like your dd, she will sing the whole way - there and back.
Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-05-2006 - 8:50am
jt, that is great - I'm so happy for both you and dd - although the time and expense will be a little bit of a burden, at least dd can go about her business and not be stressed about all the tension and obnoxious behavior from A & C. Let them do all thier gossipping on the long busride instead of the comfort of your car! I'm glad it went so well - everything you said to the moms was perfect!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Thu, 01-05-2006 - 9:07am
That's great news, jt!
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
Thu, 01-05-2006 - 10:11am
Thanks. Yes, I started right away - I wasn't scheduled to drive at all today so that gave them at least a day to rearrange things. The ride in this morning was so pleasant! There's a back way down a nice country road that is very direct from our house, but out of the way from C & A's. Dh came around real quick: all I had to say was "How would you feel if you started and ended each working day being treated as though you simply did not exist? And how can we subject our child to this?" Hey - I can dish out the Catholic guilt every bit as easily as I can lay it on myself!!!