OT - Acknowledging Gifts
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| Fri, 01-06-2006 - 1:06pm |
This is probably more of a vent than anything, but does anybody out there have opinions on this situation?
I've mentioned in a post or two that we don't live in a very close or friendly neighborhood. In fact, I'd say that most of my neighbors are on the snobby side. They might wave if I happen to be outside when they drive past, but that's pretty much as far as it goes.
Anyway, there are two ladies here I consider(ed?) friends. One I see quite regularly because she is a pt beautician, has a little salon set up in her garage and the entire family gets hair cuts there. The other is a neighbor with a DD same age/grade as my DS (in fact, they were in a several classes together during grade school years) and whom I walked with quite a bit in spring and early summer. Summer came, it was very hot, our schedules conflicted so we haven't done much walking since.
I bought both of them gifts for Christmas. Nothing huge, just little token gifts I saw when out shopping and that reminded me of them -- no more than $7 or $8 dollars each. Something to show I appreciated their friendships.
I took the gift up to the walking friends house before Christmas; she wasn't home so I left the gift bag on the porch right in front of the door. Within minutes of my getting home, I saw her drive past my house on the way to hers.
The other gift I sent up with DH and DS when they went up for their haircuts before Christmas.
Do you know, neither lady has acknowledged the gift in any way or said thank you? I even sat in the one's garage for 45 minutes two days ago while she cut my hair! We talked all about our holidays and she never said a word about my gift. I also crossed paths with her yesterday when I was coming back in from my walk and she was heading out for hers. Talked about how hot and windy it was, etc., but still no mention of the gift.
And I haven't heard anything at all from the other lady.
I didn't buy the gifts because I expected a gift in return. I bought them because I saw things that reminded me of them and thought they'd enjoy them. You know how it is? You buy a gift for someone and you're excited because you think they'll really love it, so you can't wait for them to open it? And part of the excitement is waiting to see if they really DO like it? That's a bit how I feel about this.
I certainly don't expect a hand-written thank you on engraved stationery, and realize that for quite a lot of people, thank-you notes of any variety have gone the way of hats and gloves, but even if these ladies actually do dislike me, and hate the gift I sent up, a quick phone call acknowledging it would be nice.
Oh well. I think I'll save the money next year and pull another gift tag off the angel tree -- or buy extra bath bubbles for the woman's shelter.
Julie

I agree with elc about the embarrasement - not that it is an excuse. I think - overall - people have become "lazy" about acknowleding gifts. I have made my dd write a thank you note for every gift she receives since before she could write (crayoned works of art in the beginning). I am amazed at how few notes she recieves. Very few of her friends write notes for birthday gifts and NONE of her friends sent a thank you for their Christmas gift. She makes gifts (this year it was hand stamped and chalked coasters) for her aunts and godparents - she has never received a thank you from them, but unfailingly writes to thank them for the gifts they give her. My sisters are both retired, so it's not an issue of time or anything. Who knows. I am very grateful that my sisters give her a gift and I don't have her write notes to get notes in return (just like you and the gifts), but still.
And you aren't even asking for a note .... Yes, they should have aknowledged your thoughtfulness.
Hi Julie - I am new here but thought I'd post my 2 cents anyway. I can relate to the whole "not acknowledging gifts" thing big time. My own sister lives in a different state and every year for my niece's b-day and for Christmas I send her a gift. She is 9 now and I have only received one thank you note that I can recall - ever. I have wrestled with this several times over the years. Like you said, I get excited thinking I've chosen a great gift and hoping it will make her happy and then I dont even know if she actually receives it!! Sometimes I wonder if she even knows it's from me!!!! Anyway, what I've decided (and then again, re-decided each time I wrestle with it again) is that I love my neice and I want to give her a gift on these ocassions. I also want her to KNOW I love her and since she is so far away, this is part of how I show her my love for her. I have some great memories of one particular aunt of mine who never ever forgot to acknowledge my birthday or Christmas or any other special ocassion and I would like to emulate her in that way.
I carry this on to other examples of rude behavior (like your neighbors or people who never rsvp, etc...) and what I keep coming back to is that I want to be who I want to be and I dont want to let others' bad behavior dictate who I am. Therefore, I will choose to be polite even when others are not. I will choose to be prompt even when others are not. I will choose to be forgiving even when others are not, etc.... because that is who I want to be. Being reactive seems to only bring my character down to a level that I dont really want. It's tough and I'm not always good at it but I keep trying to keep that message in my own mind (to be true to who I want to be regardless of what others do).
One last note about your particular situation...I would say something like, Hey - did you get that little bookmark I left on your porch? OR Did you get the coffee and mug that dd was supposed to bring over? (even though you know they did) Then see what they say - their response might help you to forgive them and keep them as your friends. I mean what if they said something like, Oh yes! I am sooo behind on my thank you cards this year and I LOVED IT!!! Thank you so much. You just never know - and in my experience, I have found that it is always better to talk things out than to just wonder. Too often we come to the wrong conclusion about something and then we act a certain way that makes our neighbor come to the wrong conclusion and then they act a certain way that makes us think something even worse and then you are enemies for life for nothing.