upset with other parents
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upset with other parents
| Sat, 01-07-2006 - 3:28pm |
DD16 and her friend M got in trouble last weekend 3 days before M's 16th birthday. M's mom came to my house to let me know what the girls had done and was livid. Said M wasn't going to get her car or license on her birthday, they would make her wait awhile and she was grounded for a month and she hoped I would deal with my own DD appropriately. The crime did warrant a good punishment and I took DD's car away except to and from school and grounded her for 3 weeks. M's mom started feeling sorry for M since it was her 16th birthday and all and now less than a week after the incident, M now has a drivers license and a BMW X5, and New Louis Vuitton purse and key chain. Her mom is considering letting her go out to a big party tonight so she can show everyone her new car. Excuse me... whats wrong with this picture? My DD is upstairs right now crying her eyes out about how unfair this all is and she's right. I stick with my punishments by the way am not changing my mind just because M's mom can't seem to deal with her daughter being unhappy. I tried to explain that M is not going to learn a thing from this about right and wrong and has no reason to not go get in trouble again since she knows her mom will give in within days of punishing her. But try explaining that to a 16 yr. old girl who did the same thing as her best friend and the best friend basically gets rewarded for the behavior... Just a vent.... I'm so anry right now......

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Yikes. M's mom is moronic enough to have her own reality show.
Of course you can't do anything about M's mom's behavior and dd will understand someday. In the meantime, your dd knows that bad behavior is rewarded with punishment in her home and will act accordingly.
If I were you, I'd draw and nice bubble bath, grab a glass of wine and relax. Make sure to give your dd extra hugs and tell her you love her.
A BMW and Louis Vuitton purse for a 16 y/o??
Hang in there mom, your DD will thank you for it someday... probably about the time she has teenagers of her own! LOL
Like Pam, I hate it when parents cave when their kids are unhappy with their decisions.
I think you did fine here - and are right for sticking with your punishment. Your DD lied twice about where she was (once to you and once to W's mom), and went to a party that where there weren't any parents, etc....
I haven't faced this yet with my DD - but the only thing I might do differently is give DD a way to earn back some of her privileges - extra chores = have the car on the weekend for a few hours or a friend can come over? Something that says not only does bad behavior lead to punishment, but also good behavior increases privileges. I've been telling my DD since second grade that you earn more freedom and responsibility by acting reliable and responsibly - so far this is one lesson that hasn't gotten an "oh mom!" lol
Hang in there!!
Sue
I completely understand this. When DD was 15, she and her b/f did a really major offense. DD was given extra chores to do, certain privileges removed, etc. B/f didn't even get a "good talking to" from his mom. Thankfully, DD didn't get upset over the unfairness of it. She knew she had messed up and expected to be punished.
I would say that sometimes I will amend punishments though. I will sometimes let her trade a day off grounding for extra chores if I think she really understands why what she did was wrong. Thankfully, we've not had to punish her in over a year so I guess we got through to her. She also understands that we always tried to make the punishment fit the crime. We rarely just grounded her b/c for her all that did was frustrate her. With this child, hard work was usually the trick, that or taking away her keys and making her ride with mom to school.
Good Luck! They do eventually get it.
this is one of those things that your dd is going to have to learn - life isn't fair. and life isn't ABOUT being fair. you are your dd's parent - and that't the way it is. your dd's friends have certain things in life that she doesn't have - but then again, your dd has things that THEY don't have. we can't go thru life always thinking that the grass i greener on the other side - its not.
i know that your dd is upset - but in the long run, she is far better off with a parent who truly loves her - the way you do - who loves her enough to do what's right, even tho it hurts.
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