I Feel Like Running Away!
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| Wed, 01-11-2006 - 12:26pm |
Hey everyone,
I've been trying to stay away from the board because I don't want to post a whole bunch of whiny sob-stories (not that that hasn't stopped me in the past-lol) but I just can't seem to shake these 'holiday blues' that have been hanging on since before Christmas.
The kids are doing great -- one loves school, one hates it, but that is just the way it goes -- otherwise, I have so little to complain and/or worry about with them that I often wonder if they are normal teens. They seem downright dull compared to what I read here about what other moms are going through. But I guess that's a good thing. In a way, I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop ... it's just TOO quiet.
My house is a mess -- and that's not just an exaggeration. Walls need painting, carpets need shampooing, (again! just did it before Christmas) there are PILES of stuff everywhere because I just don't have the inclination or energy to put it all away. I found I've just brought the piles up into my bedroom where that can't be seen, but now the bedroom is piled with stuff. Okay, I am working on that issue, but it's slow going. And I can't put all the stuff away in the garage, because that too, is a mess and I can hardly walk into it without tripping over DH and/or DS's junk
And the yards? Roses and shrubs need to be cut back, weeds pulled, all that stuff. Thank goodness we have a small yard. DH ripped out our bbq in November, bought all the stuff to make a built-in and there it all sits. The framework for the bbq has been done since about Dec 1 -- nothing more has happened since. One thing I can count on? DH will in no way shape or form give up his free time or hobby time to get things back in order. This, which seems a monumental task at this moment, lies solely on my shoulders.
To ice the cake, there's been a couple incidents in the weeks from the holidays to this point today with my family (primarily DH and my mother) that have left me feeling like I am living the wrong life and with the wrong people.
I still expect to see my yellow lab flopped on the floor at the foot of the stairs waiting for me. When does that go away?
Oh ... I can go on and on ... I'll stop here before things get really whiny, but if anyone out there has any advice or suggestions, feel free to clue me in. I'm obviously missing something here.
Thanks,
Julie
Edited 1/11/2006 12:27 pm ET by julesnalpine

{{{Julie}}}
For many people, the "after holiday blues" are very normal, plus you've also lost your pal-dog - that's a lot.
Having major projects that need attention can also seem very overwhelming, so it's natural to feel like doing nothing at all because sometimes you just don't know where to start! You could make a list, start with the smaller task that will give you or show you instant results, like disseminating the boxes or stuff and/or simply throwing out the stuff that can be tossed. By clearing space, you instantly feel better and can then focus on the next task. Post that list on the fridge or bathroom mirror so that everyone sees it and then check off each item as you get through it. There is no rush, because as you know there will ALWAYS be things that need getting done. Just pace yourself and tackle each one, one at a time.
Personally, I'd be threatening divorce if my H left everything to me. Seriously. Can you sit down with H after dinner one night, tell him about your small bout of depression and request his help. Tell him your feelings of being overwhelmed and isolated. Tell him that you really need to lean on your partner right now and he's "it". If he still balks at helping you around the house, then you have a bigger problem than getting the yard in shape and trimming shrubs and you likely know that. Counseling may be in order.
If possible try not to be concerned with whether or not the other shoe will drop in regards to the kids. If/when the other shoe drops, no matter what, you will almost never be prepared for it anyway - lol.
However, as far as the overall sense of sadness goes...are you eating right? Cut back on sugars and drink plenty of water. Make sure you get a good 7-8 hours sleep a night and make sure you move a little each day, even if it's only a walk around the block or down the street. Sleeping and eating right, and getting fresh air and moving just 20 minutes a day helps ward off depression.
If that's not enough to snap you back into your regular self, then I would suggest seeing a counselor or your family DR. Sometimes, taking an antidepressant for only 4-6 months is enough to jump start your body and mind back to normal.
In the meantime, take deep breaths and keep us all posted as to how you're feeling each day. Checking in with those who care about you can be a real upper.
I wish this board had an understand emoticon. I would use it now. I feel pretty much the same way. I still have papers relating to the a lawsuit that was settled in Oct sitting in a pile on the floor. I usually get all that sort of stuff caught up on Christmas break but not this year. Have done very little if any of it.
I couldn't tell you the last time DH and I kissed each other. We hug alot but it's like living with a big brother. We have nothing in common except our DD who will be leaving for college in the fall. It's all very depressing. I know that alot of this is the winter blues that I experience every year at this time but this year it seems deeper. I guess b/c oldest has moved across the country and youngest will be leaving soon.
So please feel free to whine to me anytime. Shels and I are going to meet somewhere in the middle for pie and ice cream, care to join us? Seriously, though I have found that a change in my diet may be helping a little. My potassium was seriously low so I've been really working on that and I may be feeling a little better. I've actually paid bills early this month and am getting the mail out of the box every other day (sometimes every day).
I hoping that in a week or two when I get back to work and life returns to normal so will I.
Good Luck and keep me posted!
Hi Jules---can I go with you? You and I are in the exact same boat. I have no reason to feel down, but I'm unsettled and feel sad. I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I'm behaving like a high schooler waiting for my best buddy to 'notice' I'm in a funk--and she hasn't and I'm sad about that. How 16ish does THAT sound.
Lia was talking yesterday about getting in the car and meeting in the middle for ice cream. HAHA---how nice that really would be. CA is alot further than TN and MO are from each other, but hey, you could always run here!
Hugs, and good thoughts,
Shels
Thank you all so much for your kind thoughts. I didn't feel quite so isolated and lonely after reading them. I feel better already!
Right after a posted that message, I vacuumed the ENTIRE house top-to-bottom, stairs included, and mopped all the downstairs tile which is 75% of the downstairs square footage. That alone improved things on the housekeeping front and got me motivated to keep going.
Then, I got a little message from God himself -- things are not that bad in my life! I was going to try to chat (never done one before) but God intervened. My bff (since freshman year in high school -- 1975??) called me from the hospital. Her 10yo son is in surgery for the umpteenth time. He was born with a rare skeletal-muscular condition (among other things) that has resulted in severe scoliosis that gets continues to get more severe. For the last 3-4 years, his doctors have been inserting titanium rods every six months in his spine in an attempt to keep it straight -- which has not worked. So now at age 10, doctors will start fusing his spine to his pelvis, starting at the bottom and ending about 1/2 way up his spine -- this time. Today's surgery is will take 8 hours or more.
BFF father is being admitted to hospice care and not expected to live much longer. She lost her mother to ovarian cancer two years ago.
This is only a small part of what my friend has to deal with on a daily basis. And I'M the one complaining???!!! So now I'm counting my blessings: healthy kids, nice home, (even if a bit cluttered) a yard that I GET to work in, it's about 75 degrees outside and the windows are all wide open. No snow shoveling here!
While I was talking to her, my cell phone rang. It was DD, on her way home from school. She sprained her ankle in PE! The nurse called DH, who is closest to the school to come get her and they were on the way, get ice paks ready.
Honestly, you've all given me the boost and encouragement I needed. Now, I need to go tend to my invalid.
Julie
Hi Lia!
How funny is your post (or mine?). I didn't read responses to Julie before I wrote and I mentioned our meeting in the middle too!! haha
I invited Julie to come along as well, or come here and run away---haha---not that the midwest is all that exciting! Maybe we ought to go to CA!!
I think we all must be suffering from post holiday blues, or winter lack of light disorder (what is that called?) or SOMETHING. I've got a really good friend (that is a male) that lives in Boston---I even gave him some of the woe is me in an email today---and I'm sure he didn't give a hoot that maybe it is hormonal!! haha
Luckily my DH is being extra sweet----I'm still slightly miffed that he lost his temper w/ me yesterday, but I'll get over it. I have EVERY reason to be happy, yet I feel pretty blue this week. Ugh.
Take care--shels
Jules, HUGSHUGSHUGSHUGSHUGSHUGSHUGS!!!!!!!! I was going to write everything that hearts&roses wrote, so I will just add to it. Her advice is excellent, so I will only add a few things. Most importantly, your kids are great and they may not necessarily give you any cause for worry. My kids have been wonderful. I've only grounded DD a couple of times in her life and it wasn't for anything major. She is now 21, and will be graduating from Brown Univ. in May. She is as lovely as she always was. DS has never been grounded in his life, and never in trouble. He will graduate high school this June. This is not a testament to any parenting style/technique, this is just their personalities. And your children may have those friendly, easy-going, don't really want to be in trouble personalities.
#1 -- TAKE CARE OF YOU! Go for a short walk every day, let the sun shine on your head. (I know it's sunny down there. :-)) Don't do it to lose weight, exercise, etc., just a VERY slow stroll. Get some of that Vitamin D in you from the sun.
#2 -- I also have a hubby that leaves projects unfinished. When it gets to be too much, i.e. the yard work and bbq for you, then I just hire someone to finish it. Yes, there are huge arguments ($$$$ and no one can do it as good as hubby, in his opinion), but there is also an incredible peace of mind. I usually say, okay dear, I've waited long enough and you've had your fun ski weekends etc., but it's NOT FAIR to me to look at all this crap. So I've hired someone to finish. Go to the local nursery and usually one of those guys are more than happy to make extra money on the weekend pruning the rose bushes and general yard work. It will only take once or twice to get it into shape. Hire someone to finish the bbq. I'd actually do it and then tell hubby when he sees someone working. If you tell him beforehand, he'll only convince you not to spend the $$$$. This is my advice from 27 years of living with DH. He's got a huge list of stuff to do around the house, starts it, then leaves it. I did not have cabinet doors in my kitchen until three years after we built the house!!! Finally hired someone to hang them.
#3 -- Messy garage -- Conversation goes like this: "Family Conference at 7:00 p.m. tonight. Mandatory attendance. Family, I can NO LONGER LIVE IN THIS MESS. On Saturday, from 8:00 a.m. until 3:00 p.m., we will be cleaning the garage. Not only getting it tidy, but actually getting RID OF STUFF that we no longer use or want. I am scheduling Salvation Army to pick up next week. Everyone must be here to clean garage. No excuses! No one leaves this house until it is done to MY satisfaction. Things have gotten a little out of control in this house, but we are going to put our lives in order so that we have more time for fun."
The stuff inside the house that you can take care of, just take a little at a time. Make piles and sit in front of the t.v. sorting. It goes faster, and you're entertained while you're doing it. Make lists--it's so important.
Again, lots of hugs and please post. Sometimes when I'm worried about something which I think to myself, this is so minor, you're being a baby, I'll post and people will have wonderful been there/done that advice.
Laura
Awww - you're still grieving for you dog and you feel understandably overwhelmed. Try and take a little time for yourself. Have you ever heard of flylady? wwww.flylady.net I've posted about her before. Give her a try ... but don't take the whole thing too seriously (you'll see what I mean) ... it can be a little scary (like an odd cult of feather dusting, keds-clad ladies....) It might help you feel less overwhelmed.
And feel free to whine. That's why we're here.
jt
So sorry to see you feeling so down. But I also know that we all go through periods where we just feel this way. Heck - we're in an apartement, sometimes I just wish I could go DOWNSTAIRS or UPSTAIRS to get away, but NOOO (lol), I'm stuck here!
One thing that has helped me and DH is to write down what we need/want to do. I wish I could say that we generate this list together, but neither of us is that good at giving up control. ;) But we do talk about what needs to get done alot better now than we used to. IN the past I'd just walk around overwhelmed and he'd be clueless - I didn't tell him why I was overwhelmed. Would you and your DH be able to sort out and prioritize what needs to be done? Sometimes it just helps to get it all out in the open - feels less overwhelming.
Also, set small goals. I have a bunch of over-crowded closets, and one day I just unpacked one of them totally into my living room. UGH then I *had* to clean it out!! What a great feeling to open that door and be able to find what I want! Now to tackle the next closet!
And be gentle on yourself - especially if others are being harsh - give yourself time to bounce back, get enough rest, do a few indulgent things, and see if you feel better in a few days or a week.
and come here to vent anytime!!
((HUGS))
Sue
Wow ladies can I relate do you have room for one more? Christmas was the worst ever here...very long story but Christmas Eve I get to find out DD has been on Birth control pills and got her belly pierced all w.out my knowlege. While she is l8 I am still her mother and felt quite betrayed and sad she could not come to me. She knows these are not right for her, so I guess it was her way of not hearing it. Pre-existing conditions with me make bcps for DD a very very bad choice, she has been told but Dr. decided to prescribe URGH...
Son is headed off to college and this May will graduate, DD is going to grad. this June. Talk about hands full or what and son's college is 600 full miles away, yikes.
DH and I are about done same as another poster two ships passing in the night. Conflicts with DD and her attitude. DD picks three colleges to apply to, gets accepted and decides she wants none of them. URGH...
Soooo scarey and lonely with both so independent was not prepared for this but should be seeing son is in college and has been past four years. Now the "baby" is off, and she is quite the handful even for l8. I thought they started to get better by this age?
Anyway there seems to be a bunch of us whom are down overwhelmed and just blah or stressed. Thank goodness for this board for allowing me to vent too, and have others to share stresses with.
Hang in there everyone. I am trying.