Punishment for grades?
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| Thu, 01-12-2006 - 8:06pm |
MSS, 14, had 3 C's on his last progress report. DH told him that unless he got all A's and B's on his report card he would have to quit basketball. Report cards did not come out until today, and DH went and got copies of them. MSS has a C in math (granted not his best subject) and I asked DH if he was going to stick to his word. He said he did not know. There are only a few games left and DH really doesn't want him to have to quit. The school is of no help, as long as you are passing they don't care. There have been many many nights that we have called the kids who are just starting their homework at 9 or 9:30! We called last night and MSS had alot of math homework, and was getting to it at 9:15, after basketball practice and going to church.
He is very into sports, and baseball season is just around the corner. DH said that practice will not be as often or as long as basketball was. MSS has basketball practice tonight for 3 hours!!!!
He asked me my opinion and I really did not want to give it to him. I think that if you tell a child "do this or else" you have to stick to it! I know I am guilty of not following through, but mostly it is little stuff, not grades. MSS has a temper, and I can just see him having one heck of a fit, but if he knows what he was supposed to do, and did not do it, then what? I don't know how much he brought it up, if any, from his last progress report. He did make a 47 on a final in Agri-business, and DH is going to ask him about that.
What do you all think? Does DH just let him keep getting C's in math? It truly may be the best he can do, but how do we know if he stays up late doing homework? I think I will suggest that DH talk to his math teacher and see what she has to say. BM is not really any help in this, she has no problem with them staying up late to do homework.
Sarah

My 14 yo DD is a competitive dancer which means she's at the studio 10 hours a week and then she has dance at school 1 hr per day and at certain times of the year there are extra rehearsals, showcases, travelling to competitions etc.
This means she has less time than alot of her peers to do extra studying, work ahead, do indepth work on projects etc etc. It means she has to do alot of advance planning and sometimes she has to miss rehearsals, or dance studio time to catch up. So far I am really pleased with her grades (A's and B's) but I KNOW for sure that her one B grade could be an A if she had more time. But she doesn't.
I've often said that if her grades suffer I'd have to cut back on her dancing but honestly that is really hard to do mid-season. Once you've committed to a team, whether it be dance or basketball or football or hockey, to pull one member out causes havoc to the entire team. And it isn't fair to the rest of the kids that they are impacted by one kid's being pulled out.
In reality what I would probably do is limit other things like computer time, TV time, social time, etc so that she could work more. And if math was never a strong subject for your SS what he may benefit from more than pulling him out of sports is some time with a tutor to see if that will help improve grades.
I agree though that your H should probably not have said he's punish with one thing and then not follow through. Instead what he should say to his S is that he won't pull him out of the sports but he wants him to get extra help for math and if his grades don't improve he can't join the team NEXT season or join any other team he might want to join.
OK, so MSS went from having 3 C's on his report card to having 1, and there is no recognition for the improvement, just being pulled from sports for having any C?
Edited cause I didn't have my thinking cap on!!
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Edited 1/13/2006 7:23 pm ET by cat_momma
I think pulling him off a team is above and beyond, especially since he did bring up 2 of 3 grades. It seems like he really is on the right track, just needs an eye kept on the time management part of things. As far as math goes, talk to the teacher and see if she offers help after school or if an older student can tutor if there is a specific area he needs help in.
Mom to Emily (18), Conor (17) and Hannah (12)
Wife to David - 8/20/88
I don't know where you live, but here in CT a "C" is considered Average. A "B" is Above Average and an "A" is Outstanding. IOW, I think a C is adequate if his other grades are above that.
I understand it's important to follow through with a threat, but perhaps you could all reach a compromise, such as he gets to finish basketball, but unless his grades are up to par, he can't do baseball?
I'd also attend the PTA meetings or school sports meetings to get some feedback from other parents. You can't possible be the only parents who have a problem with 3-hour practices. I certainly would speak up if it were my kid. It's okay and I fully support kids being involved in sports, but I also value my kids' education and that comes first - sports is an 'extra' and it seems to me that many schools across the nation have lost sight of that and place too much of an emphasis on sports over academics. Personally, I'd be calling other parents and then making an appt with the Sports Director at the school if you feel his sports agenda is interfering with his education. But in regards to his grades, not everyone can get A's and B's all the time and I don't think it's fair to demand A's and B's all the time. You should know if your child is incapable or just slacking off and make the punishment fit the crime. Again, C's are considered Average, anything higher is a plus.
Hi Sarah,
I have a couple of points. First, while I agree with following through on consequences if mistakes are made but I think you are missing something really positive here. MSS pulled up his grades in 2 subjects which is wonderful! He deserves credit for this and this should be what DH uses to modify his consequence. Second, early in my DS school life I was considering pulling him from hockey. He was on the ice at least 5 days a week and had numerous weekend tournaments too and he was only a C student while his siblings were A students. While talking with the principal, I mentioned that there was a tourament coming up which would require DS to miss a day of school and that I was going to refuse to do this. This very wise man explained that kids don't just learn sitting in a classroom and sports (dancing, music, etc) were very valuable to kids as learning tools. He explained that my son found certain subjects difficult and that playing hockey - something he was very good at built his self esteem. From this conversation on, I never threaten to remove access to sports as a consequence. I also watched my DS struggle with his self esteem once he quit hockey because he said it took up too much time. Another advantage of sports as it helps keep them out of trouble during their teen year. My final comment is that many studies have shown that teens actually learn better at night, they bio clocks change during these years and they need to sleep later and stay up later. I won't worry about doing homework late unless your MSS really needs more sleep.
Dee
I agree wholeheartedly, Cs aren't that bad.