punishments, equal crime , equal time?
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punishments, equal crime , equal time?
| Fri, 01-13-2006 - 3:02am |
we have 3 teens 15ods 13mds & 13ss ((AND 8dd 3 ds)) ..... any way heres the question, one 13 is in trouble VERY VERY often, (the 15yr & 13 sons have not been in trouble in LONG time ), but yesterday both 13 yr olds were caught smoking weed. ss 4th time, ds 2nd (first time was 3yrs ago and all 3 did it then)...... i do not Blame any child behavior on anyone but themselves, but it is very hard not to wonder if all the crap ss does did influence mds choice to go along and take a hit.........so if two kids commit same crime, but one has consistently been it trouble and one hasn't do they get SAME punishment or does each offense increase punishmnet? ie 2nd time 2 weeks 4th time 4 weeks....... TIA
k-
k-

You're in a tough situation Kay, if you come down harder on one boy than the other, you can be perceived as playing favorites by the boys.
i tend to agree with you that the more times the offense is repeated the stiffer the punishment should be, however, grounding doesn't seem to be working the ss. I think I might try adding some serious chores or volunteer work to his grounding. I found with DD that adding the chores did more good for her than anything else. We did the chores right along with her and didn't discuss the offense that got her in trouble - just spent some time together accomplishing something. If she did the job really well and with no complaints, I usually knocked a day or two off the grounding or let her have one night off for good behavior.
Good Luck.
for the record, i think I come down on mine harder b/c thats how i was raised, i let DH set ss grounding etc. I chose to repeat DH's grounding of two weeks, from SS having a bag of weed and smoking it in bible & dictionary paper in NOV, (right after thanksgiving) for ds "one hit" oh, and i added the spanking, i'm sure it was more for me than him,,, ss doesnt like to get 'caught' he shows little or no remorse, his attitude towrd me is to 'stay out of his business' .........BM and I are friendly, she came out to 'clean out his room' (tv, games, hiding spots),,, she does NOT want him to live w/ her (dh has had custody since ss was 4) she has 3 kids in her small home already, and she lives in the city where access to EVERYTHING is easier,,.......positive reinforcment : DH and bm were working on getting ss a motorcycle.......(ods had to buy his) ......... if i sound harsh , after my orginal post , it all busted loose thursday, (i posted in detail on stepparenting page) but short version of thursday - ss had copenhagen and found out he stole 2 CARTONS of cigs and beer from store, in the last 2 weeks.. (owned by the same people ods works for) so, i think ss is on a different playing level than ods & mds..... and how many times do you steal, before your labeled a thief, how many lies until your a liar, how many cartons of cigs until your a smoker, how many incidents w/ weed and your a pot head? I am not condemning my ss, but he is giving our whole family a reputation, and he and DH act as if people should only look at present problem, and all other 'crimes' were in the PAST...... i live w/ the kid other parents dont want their kid around,,,argh! k-