Principal Called - What would you Do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Principal Called - What would you Do?
21
Tue, 03-07-2006 - 4:34pm

I just got a call from the principal at my dd14's middle school. Apparently she has allowed students to write on her jeans, and one thing written was "my butt" right on her butt. I had asked what was written because I wanted to know if there was anything inappropriate such as racial slurs, etc. The conversation was "short and sweet" because here I am at work. Dd is changing into her PE clothes for the remainder of the day. The principal was concerned about the inappropriateness and "sexual harassment" issues. I didn't get any details such as to who wrote this on her butt, where and most importantly when? A co-worker wants me to get on the school's case about inappropriate supervision and whether or not my dd is safe in the school environment.

Dh wants to ground dd. Sigh. I want to have a talk with her about letting anyone touch her behind. What would you do?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2005
Tue, 03-07-2006 - 5:03pm

Was it a dumb thing to do? Absolutely. Severely punishable? I don't think so. My DD is 13.5 and an 8th grader. To me, this sounds like typical behavior of this age/attitude. Do I think she's unsafe at school because of this type of activity? To me it's over-reacting to even ask.

I'll be the first to admit that I rarely subscribe to the "kids will be kids" mentality, but this is really not that big a deal, is it? Like you said, it wasn't vulgar or racial or a specific slur. Knowing my DD it would have been one of her squirrelly girlfriends thinking they were funny. She may not have even known what they wrote until it was done.

Should she have let them write on her clothes? No. Did she think about the fact that she was ruining a perfectly good pair of jeans? No. Is that unusual for 13 and 14 yo girls? Not in my experience. It could have been as simple as several girls at their lockers between classes deciding it was a good idea, not necessarily a lack of supervision. It wouldn't take all that long to write those two words on someone's rear end. (Now if it was a boy "laying claim" to her physical person my tune would change dramatically!)

I agree that you should talk to her about the impression that gives people, the irresponsibility of destroying clothing that you probably bought and paid for, that the kind of attention she's receiving as a result of that decision is not what she *really* wants, etc. I would make her try everything I could think of to get the ink (or whatever) out of the jeans, make her pay me back for them, and if they aren't salvagable make her buy another pair to replace them.

I'm by no means trying to make light of the situation, but there is probably a very valid 14 year old explanation. I'd be curious to hear it if you want to share. I would be angry and disappointed in your shoes, too. Let's hope it was a momentary lack of sanity. Keep us posted.

Avatar for mily12
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Tue, 03-07-2006 - 5:23pm

I agree except for one point. I wouldn't be angry nor disappointed. With all the terrible things she could potentially be doing at her age, this is harmless. "My butt" really isn't considered vulgar. Imagine what else could have been written in it's place. Yikes!

Mily

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Tue, 03-07-2006 - 5:39pm

I agree with you.... this sounds like stupid teenage stuff.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
Tue, 03-07-2006 - 7:08pm
Yep. I'm in the "dumb teenage" camp. I'd let it go, with one exception: I'd have her reiumburse me for the jeans. Tell her she can wear them around the house and to certain (whatever you feel is appropriate if any) places outside the home but since she's going to need a pair of school-worthy jeans, I'd make sure she paid for them. She is far less likely to want to "modify" something on which she's spent her hard-earned cash!
jt
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005
Tue, 03-07-2006 - 7:24pm

I guess I don't see what the big deal is. It's not a swear or an inappropriate word. I'd talk to DD and find out who wrote it just to make sure she wasn't "forced" or didn't know what was written.

Jeesh - girls can buy pants with the word "JUICY" emblazoned across the butt. To me that's a whole lot more offensive!!!!!!!!!!!

My DD has one pair of jeans that have been written all over. She loves it and frankly I never thought to forbid it (they're her older jeans, and anyway they're hers and if she likes them all written on fine).

Am I missing something? Specifically why was the school worried about this? Is there a school policy that she violated? If not, I'd let it go. The humiliation of having to change clothes in the middle of the day would teach whatever lesson teh school was trying to make.

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Tue, 03-07-2006 - 9:42pm

Sue,


In our school system, having "my butt" written across her butt would have her in gym clothes too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Tue, 03-07-2006 - 10:09pm

Grounding her for having "my butt" on her pants is a bit much in my view. Most likely it was one of her girlfriends who wrote it. At least it didn't say "my ass" (lol). Honestly, if that's the worst thing the principal has to call you at work for, I'd say you got through the teen years pretty easily. And, honestly, if this is the worst thing the principal had to deal with that day...really...are there no kids to bust at the back of the school smoking or something????

I've had interesting calls from teachers myself in the past (while my kids were in grade school). Sometimes the infractions were so negligible I just humoured the teacher on the phone, had a brief discussion with my kid and shrugged my shoulders...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Tue, 03-07-2006 - 11:41pm

I've been following this thread in case I've missed something.
Similar to other posts, around here that would be handled with a smiling (hah! ..teens!)shake-of-the-head, and a requirement that she change immediately due to the rules.
If the message were offensive or violent....if she were forced down and written on against her will... whole different story.

I think the phone call to you may have even been a bit much, but it IS only middle school, and he was probably following procedure.

But I'm at a loss by your co-workers reaction. That's what's making this confusing.
I would bet she doesn't have teens.
This sounds so typical middle school.
Listening to DW describe what typical middle schoolers do to one another, this is pretty mild.

Even assuming these were male rear-end journalists, I wouldn't approach this bit of goofing off as sexually over the line. Stupid...yes...but I can't imaging putting marker to ass as provocative. OTOH, middle school boys think just about anything is provocative.

I WOULD be miffed at her ruining a pair of jeans. Probably make her partially or fully pay for new ones. But grounding? naaaw.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005
Wed, 03-08-2006 - 7:24am

It's funny for me, because DD's school has no dress code (and is proud of it, lol). Sometimes it's a great thing (as you said, weird looking but nice), sometimes I wish the shirts and skirts were bigger, lol.

If the dress code is explicit, and kids understand it, then enforcing the rules is OK, I guess. But I'm with you (and Greg) that violence, harrassment, and property destruction are more important to regulate than dress in most cases.

Maybe this is a difference between New York and WI - kids here are definitely edgier (for good and bad) - but I don't think "butt" would even catch anyone's attention.

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Wed, 03-08-2006 - 7:32am

Just a passing thought....


I once heard you could tell how many kids a parent has by how they treat a dropped pacifier:


Baby #1: Boil it, sterilize it thoroughly before giving it back to baby


Baby #2: Rinse it off, pop it back in baby's mouth


Baby #3:

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