adhd? or an excuse

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2005
adhd? or an excuse
5
Wed, 03-08-2006 - 7:52pm
I have never experienced knowing someone with adhd. I am struggling to know if my daughters boyfriend usese it as an excuse not to accomplish anything. If any one could please please give me some insight on adhd and can answers some questions please let me know. I have been tryin to do research on this and everything I have read points to him using this as an excuse. But I would love to be able to ask someone who has dealt with this personally. I am afraid my daughter is headed for a life that will be rough. Please help. I know I have posted on this alot but there is no one close to me to discuss this with. Thanks for your understanding and support.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005
Wed, 03-08-2006 - 9:19pm

There's a difference between an explanation and an excuse - ADHD may explain some of his problem in staying focussed, accomplishing stuff, etc, but at some point he will have to learn those things in order to have any success in life. There are lots of strategies (like organizers, etc) to help kids/teens/adults with ADD achieve more success - if someone is motivated, and finds the right help, they can learn to work around it. I guess I'd see ADHD as a possible explanation, and a road sign as to where to go for help, but not an excuse for not finding help in the end.

HTH

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 03-08-2006 - 10:12pm
I agree with what the above poster said, but have to add that it is NOT easy, or really even possible, to simply "overcome" the problems of ADHD on one's own. often medication is necessary - and DEFINITELY some form of counselling. There aren't many with ADHD who can just spontaneously "figure it out" on their own. Do you know if the boyfriend is getting any kind of help or guidance? My 14 year old FS has ADHD and I've taught many students with it. I'll answer any questions as best I can.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2005
Wed, 03-08-2006 - 10:19pm
He has been on medicine since he was 6. He works with a counselor at his college. The thing that bothers me is he keeps saying he knows how to play the game to get by, or something like "when my adhd kicks in" He said the other day he is taking choir just to get an A in a class but says he doesnt go to class all the time or leaves early and if he doesnt get an A on his midterm he will just drop the class. He has already dropped a class because he doesnt want to get up in the mornings
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Wed, 03-08-2006 - 11:24pm

I have 2 sons diagnosed with ADHD, neither of them currently on medication, Z was off his around 10 y/o, J quit taking his around 12.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 6:40am
Hi again KS- I can sure see why you're so concerned about BF dropping classes and not applying himself. It sounds to me like whoever is paying for his college will proabably stop when they see how much money is being wasted. Have you tried having serious talks with your dd about how difficult it is to make ends meet-( tight job market, rising prices for necessities etc.?) My dd's high school offered a personal finance class that helped her see how to write a budget and how much jobs pay at starting salaries. You could stress to dd how marriage is not just the romantic part- its a financial partnership for better or worse and that is why its best to wait until a person is able to support themself on their own before taking on marriage. Honestly I think girls feel alot of pressure to choose someone and settle down before they are truly ready. Take care- Nancy